IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Use synonyms
music
Capitalize the word
Music
show examples
 is universal
induvisual
Punctuation problem
, induvisual
show examples
 don't need to understand the language to enjoy it.
there
Capitalize the word
There
show examples
 are several
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 that
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
this
Linking Words
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
rethyme
Correct your spelling
rhythm
 and emotion.
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay i will explain how its help to
relife
Correct your spelling
relieve
 stress
along with
Linking Words
 my personal experiences.
Body paragraph 1
sound can change our mood with the perfect beat and
rethyme
Correct your spelling
rhythm
. how dose
this
Linking Words
happend
Correct your spelling
happen
 even though we don't know the language
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 example, pick any musical instrument
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 giuter,piano or violin when it
dose
Use the right word
does
show examples
 play in a
clam
Use the right word
calm
show examples
 way
our
Punctuation problem
, our
show examples
 brain released dopamin and others hormons.
This
Linking Words
 hormons help to reduce our stress
also
Linking Words
 it can make
our self
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 emotional too .
there
Verb problem
There are
show examples
 certain notes or toons can be played by
this
Linking Words
 instrument which can create a
deapt
Correct your spelling
depth
 in our heart that
signal
Correct subject-verb agreement
signals
show examples
 our brain to
remamber
Correct your spelling
remember
 something, someone we love or can create
imagenation
Correct your spelling
imagination
.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
on
Capitalize the word
On
show examples
 the other hand, it can make us escape reality for
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 moment or change how we feel.
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
music
Use synonyms
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
show examples
 need a
Body paragraph 3
ny vocal to hook you up . yes its add extra details on
music
Use synonyms
.
about
Capitalize the word
About
show examples
 a year and
half
Correct article usage
a half
show examples
 ago i was sad because
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 did bad in my class test.
i
Capitalize the word
I
show examples
 was kind of sad about
it
Punctuation problem
it,
show examples
 so
went
Correct pronoun usage
I went
show examples
 outside of the classroom
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 suddenly
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 heard a faded
toon
Correct your spelling
tune
 coming down the
hall way
Correct your spelling
hallway
. i flowed the sound
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it was relaxing and
claming
Correct your spelling
calming
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
hall way i
Punctuation problem
hallway. I
show examples
 found a
chiness
Correct your spelling
Chinese
musical thing playing by
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 international student from
china
Capitalize the proper name
China
show examples
.
i
Capitalize the word
I
show examples
 walked inside the room and
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
show examples
 the whole
preformance
Correct your spelling
performance
 by
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 i feel the
sorroness
Correct your spelling
sorrow
 is gone.
im
Correct your spelling
I'm
 not feeling down anymore.
also
Linking Words
 i remmembered i asked him what kinda
music
Use synonyms
 it was
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he said,
chiness
Correct your spelling
Chinese
 traditional
music
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
in conclution
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
, there are more reasons apart
which
Change preposition
from which
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 mentioned how
music
Use synonyms
 can help to feel
sterss free
Correct your spelling
stress-free
 with
vocal or without it
Correct word order
or without vocals
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your main view in the first part more clearly. Say if you agree fully, partly agree, or disagree. Your essay shows that music can cut stress, but it does not clearly say why this is its most important job.
task response
Give two clear main reasons and explain each one step by step. For example, music can calm the body, and it can take the mind away from sad thoughts for a short time.
task response
Your personal story is useful and fits the topic. Make it shorter and link it back to your main view: the music helped you feel calm after the test.
task response
Add one idea about other jobs of music, such as bringing people together or helping people celebrate. Then explain why stress relief is still more important, if that is your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, first main idea, second main idea with your story, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main sentence. For example: “First, calm music can help the body relax.” Then give the reason and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the flow of your ideas: “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “However”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one idea. The first body part moves from beat and sound to memories and feelings. Split these ideas, or explain the link between them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending stronger. Repeat your view and the two main reasons in one or two clear sentences. Do not add new ideas there.
task response
You answer the topic directly and give a clear personal example of music helping you after a bad test.
task response
Your ideas about calm sound, feelings, and a short break from worry are linked well to stress.
coherence and cohesion
You use an introduction, two main body parts, and an ending, so the reader can follow the basic plan.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part has a story with a clear order: you felt sad, heard music, and then felt better.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • music
  • stress
  • calm
  • relax
  • mood
  • worry
  • sleep
  • focus
  • study
  • work
  • health
  • wellbeing
  • joy
  • happy
  • culture
  • group
  • identity
  • memory
  • help
  • sound
  • song
  • beat
  • tempo
  • loud
  • quiet
  • tune
  • concert
  • expression
  • meaning
  • life
  • daily
  • people
  • feel
  • breath
  • heart rate
  • relief
  • energy
  • connection
  • bond
  • social
  • story
  • idea
  • habit
  • practice
What to do next:
Look at other essays: