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Band 4.5

Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead of going directly to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages for their study?

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Introduction
There has always been a debatable issue in our society pertaining to
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gap
Correct article usage
the gap
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year
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. Some consider that there are some benefits behind
this
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 tendency,
while
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 others are
skeptical
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sceptical
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 about it and they contemplate that it has more cons than pros. I am in complete agreement with the former standpoint
and
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, and
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 in the forthcoming lines of
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I shall explain my position.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, there are some inevitable drawbacks that should be advocated and the most detrimental aspect of
Use synonyms
gap
Correct article usage
a gap
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year
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 is that it can cause
students
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 to lose their academic performance. If
students
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 spend a long period away from studying, they may forget some of their knowledge and lose their
regularly
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regular
 study habits.
As a result
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, returning to education can be more difficult.
For example
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, a student who takes a long break after high school may struggle to concentrate on lectures when they study in university.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 deemed that having a long break may cause
students
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 to fall behind their peers.
While
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 they are travelling or working after graduating
school
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from school
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, their classmates may continue their education and gain new knowledge and qualifications.
Body paragraph 2
While
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 there are unambiguous disadvantages like the one mentioned above, benefits are
also
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 a great deal
and
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, and
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firstly
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firstly,
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 it can be stated that it allows youngsters to gain more life experience. During
this
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 period,
students
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 can work, travel or participate in different activities which can help them to become more independent and responsible.
For example
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, a student may work part-time during a
gap
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year
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 and learn how to manage
oney
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money
 and communicate with different people.
Besides
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 it can be
also
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 acknowledged that, it can
also
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 help
students
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 to reduce stress and
ove
Correct your spelling
improve
 their mental well-being. After years of intensive studying,
students
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 may need some time to rest and recover before going
university
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to university
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,there are some obvious
disadvantageous points
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disadvantages
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 of taking a
gap
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year
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,
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;
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however
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, as every coin has two sides, there are more
of is
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advantages
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,
such
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 as gaining more experience and learning how to manage money. These completely outweigh
it's
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 demerits.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: the good and bad sides for study. Your main view is clear. To make the answer stronger, link each point more directly to study at university. For example, say how work can help a student choose the right subject or build skills for class work.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some need more detail. Explain why life skills, money skills, and less stress lead to better study. Also explain more fully why a break can make it hard to return to study.
task response
Your examples fit your points. Add one more clear example of how travel or work can help a student in university, such as better time use, more focus, or a clearer plan for the future.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, bad sides, good sides, and end. This makes it easy to follow. Make the start more direct by saying that the essay will look at both sides and give your view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each paragraph. In the good-sides paragraph, first discuss life experience and then discuss rest and stress. Use a clear link between them, such as “Another good point is ...”
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a more natural way: “However”, “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Avoid long phrases that do not add much, such as “it can be stated that” or “it can be acknowledged that”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end shorter and clearer. Restate your view and name the two main good points. Do not add unclear words like “more of is”. Also check small form errors such as “its” instead of “it's” when you mean possession.
task response
You give a clear view: you think the good sides of a gap year are stronger than the bad sides.
task response
You include both key sides: loss of study habits and falling behind, as well as life experience and less stress.
task response
The examples of a student finding lectures hard after a long break and working part-time are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear main focus, and the order of ideas is logical.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful links such as “Firstly”, “For example”, “Moreover”, “While”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion returns to your main view, so the essay feels complete.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • time management
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving abilities
  • horizons
  • creativity
  • adaptability
  • gap year
  • academic rigor
  • financial constraints
  • long-term educational goals
  • academic pursuits
  • academic ambitions
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