IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern buildings appear in large numbers, but some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is a controversy between people about
prefering
Correct your spelling
preferring
 modern or traditional building styles. I largely prefer the traditional
theme
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buildings
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 rather than the modern styles.I will be discussing the main reasons of prefering the cultural
designs
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 .
Body paragraph 1
On one hand ,I prefer the traditional
theme
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 because
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 the base of any culture . The old
designs
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 showed how ancient
humen
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humans
survived the changes of the
climates
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climate
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 and the nature around
him
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them
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,
By
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by
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 developing a structure that can face all kinds of natural obstacles.
For instance
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 , the Arabian sand homes that
was
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were
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 developed to face
hot
Correct article usage
a hot
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 and dry climate or the Intuit
people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 the developers of the Igloo the genius structure
that
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is
Wrong verb form
was
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 developed to face very cold weather as
snow storms
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snowstorms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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 ,
The
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the
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 main reason why sticking with the old style is better than the modern themes don't have
much
Rephrase
as much
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 creativity as the old styles . Ancient
buildings
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 gave the place a clear and special
theme
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 that helps you to know where
is
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apply
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your
currant
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current
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 location
are
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is
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. The creativity comes when you see how each city have it own
colors
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colours
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,
designs
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 ,
decors
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decorations
 of their roads,
buildings
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,markets and even the facilities places .
This
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 is a result of being special rather than building high and common
buildings
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 .
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly agree with the traditional
buildings
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 because of the
theme
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 that no modern style can reach . These
designs
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camed
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came
 all the way from the past to its to complete
it
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their
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 path to
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 to be developed
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 to be changed.

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Task response
State your view more clearly in the first part: say that you largely agree, but also show if modern buildings still have a place. This will make your answer more complete.
Task response
Develop each main idea further. Explain exactly how old building forms fit local weather, and why this is useful for people today.
Task response
Your examples of desert homes and igloos are useful. Check the facts and explain the link to your main point in one more sentence.
Task response
Avoid broad claims such as modern buildings having no creativity. Give a fair reason, or say that many modern buildings can look alike in some cities.
Coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body part. The first body part can focus on weather and local needs; the second can focus on culture and the look of cities.
Coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas smoother. Use simple words such as "For this reason", "Also", "However", and "As a result" only when they show a real link.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hard to follow. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can understand each point.
Coherence and cohesion
The last part repeats your view, which is good, but it should sum up the two reasons in a clear way instead of adding an unclear new idea about the future.
Task response
You give a clear view and keep it through the whole essay.
Task response
You use real and relevant examples of homes made for very hot and very cold places.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
Your two body parts focus on different reasons: local weather and the special look of a place.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural preservation
  • regional styles
  • aesthetic value
  • intricate craftsmanship
  • stood the test of time
  • incorporate new technologies
  • sustainable materials
  • environmentally friendly
  • space utilization
  • functional design
  • open floor plans
  • access to natural light
  • versatile spaces
  • blending traditional and modern styles
  • cultural heritage
  • contemporary advancements
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