IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write a letter to the local council regarding the plan of replacement of a library with a supermarket; You need to write the following: •Where did you get this information? •The disadvantages of having a supermarket instead of a library •Importance of having a library

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Dear
sir
Capitalize the proper name
Sir
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, I am writing
this
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 letter to express my concerns and disappointment about the matter of replacing a
library
Use synonyms
 with a supermarket. I was really shocked ,
as well as
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 the whole neighbourhood of mine , when we saw a proposal to turn a
library
Use synonyms
 into a market in todays newpaper. It is
also
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 mentioned in the news that the
library
Use synonyms
 is not usable anymore
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the government is struggling with the funds to keep it running.
This
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 neighbourhood is very quiet and calm , but building a supermarket would change the whole dynamics. I believe it will turn
this
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 locality into a crowded, restless and busiest place around the city.
This
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 city has several empty lots where the building can be set up without destroying any well-established and eye-catching facilities in the area. I disagree with the statement that the
library
Use synonyms
 has no use anymore , and I believe that most locals would disagree , too. Especially, elderly people use
this
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 facility the most. They hang out every evening outside the premises and spend a couple of hours every day reading books and novels.
However
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, if running a
library
Use synonyms
 is more of an issue than we as a local community are ready to raise funds to keep it open. I hope the voice of local people will be considered
while
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 making a final decision. Or maybe doing a small survey among locals would make it clearer what they really think. With regards, Aman

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task response
You cover all parts of the task: where you found the news, the bad points of a supermarket, and why the library matters. Add a more direct call for the council to stop the plan and look at other places for the supermarket.
task response
Give one or two more clear reasons why the library is important, such as a quiet place for children to study or for people who cannot buy books.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: reason for writing, news source, problems, and final request. Use simple link words such as “First”, “Also”, “For this reason”, and “Finally” to make the ideas flow more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. The paragraph about local people and funds has two ideas; split it into one paragraph about elderly people and another about raising funds.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more formal opening and closing for a council letter, such as “Dear Sir or Madam” and “Yours faithfully”. Avoid “hang out”, as it is too informal here.
task response
You clearly say that you learned about the plan from a proposal in the newspaper.
task response
You explain that a supermarket may make the area crowded and less calm, and you show why local people use the library.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is easy to follow, with separate paragraphs for the main concerns and a polite final request.
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