IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that the best essy to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or ridind motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

3.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It has been observed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 these days people and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 are more
focausing
Correct your spelling
focusing
 on road safety, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them try to find any
soloution
Correct your spelling
solution
 for
this
Linking Words
 proplem, some people think it is a good idea,
while
Linking Words
another
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 disagree
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 assay we will
discause
Correct your spelling
discuss
 the pros and cons.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the most important advantges, if we increase the minimum legal age to 20 or 22, we will let only adualt who can drive, which make the road more saftey than before,
also
Linking Words
 we will dicrease traffic jam, I think most of mothers will agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because there child tenager will be more safe than before,
for example
Linking Words
, any teneager if he want to go any where he only can go with someone who is legal age for driving like his mother or father or someone responsbile.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some cons,
for example
Linking Words
, some tenagers are independent, they have there own job and own house, so it
due to
Linking Words
 let them need there own cars, but we can mange
this
Linking Words
 proplem, to let the government make strict rules , no one can take licines in short period, only you can take it after 3 months of practise and after you pased your formel hard exams.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
 the discussion, I totally agree
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 increase the minimum legal age for
drive
Replace the word
driving
 for more safty to the public and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the government.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view clearly in the first part. You agree, but the first part says you will look at both sides, so your main view is not fully clear at once.
task response
Give more clear reasons for why older drivers may be safer. For example, they may have more self-control, better risk sense, and less need to show off.
task response
Your second main point is not fully clear. You say some young people need cars, then you give a rule about the test. Explain how this rule solves the problem.
task response
Use one full example with clear details. The example about a teenager going with a parent shows a result, but it does not strongly prove that a higher age will make roads safer.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, conclusion. Your essay has these parts, but each body part needs a clearer main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence. Split long sentences into two or three short ones, so the reader can follow your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Try: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'Therefore'. Make sure each link shows the right idea.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. Use 'road safety', 'minimum driving age', and 'young drivers' again, instead of changing the idea in unclear ways.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear final view: you support a higher minimum driving age.
task response
You include both a good side and a possible problem, which shows that you have thought about more than one view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'for example', and 'To conclude'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: