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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays, it has become more common to see
children
Use synonyms
 using smartphones for different activities,
such
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 as entertainment and learning.
This
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 might be happening
due to
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 the growing accessibility of new technologies, particularly mobile
devices
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 like tablets and smartphones. In my personal
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
this
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 discussion should be taken seriously, because
it is clear that
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 it can bring negative aspects and hinder a child’s personal development.
Body paragraph 1
A reason for
this
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 new dynamic may be that parents have less free time to spend with their
children
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 in an active way. The pace of modern life is increasingly requiring professionals to take up numerous tasks during the day, even outside regular working hours, including doing household chores,
for example
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.
This
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 leaves them with less downtime to meaningfully engage with family, making them resort to mobile
devices
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 as a way of entertaining their
children
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.
Body paragraph 2
As stated above, I strongly believe that
this
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 is a negative development, and a quite recent one too, which makes accounting for the outcomes even more challenging. From an educational perspective, digital resources may seem appealing for learning and skill development.
However
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, the current digital ecosystem present on modern-day
devices
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 is far too dangerous and unpredictable for a child, even with parental control features.
For instance
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, leaving
children
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 unattended with a smartphone could lead them to unnecessary exposure to harmful content online.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the increase in smartphone usage among
children
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 is an issue that should be considered in detail. One explanation for
this
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 scenario could be that parents nowadays find themselves with little time to spend with their
children
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 and learn more about better approaches to engage with them.
Moreover
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, many aspects point to the use of smartphones and other digital
devices
Use synonyms
 being detrimental to a child’s upbringing, particularly considering the exposure to online content and social media platforms, which still lack effective regulation.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why children use phones, but give one main reason only: busy parents. Add other clear reasons, such as games, social media, easy internet use, or online school work.
task response
Make your view stronger with a wider range of effects. Harmful online content is a good point, but also explain how long phone use can affect sleep, play, face-to-face talk, and school work.
task response
Use a more real example. For example, explain how a child who watches short videos late at night may sleep less and feel tired at school the next day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, cause, opinion, and conclusion. Keep this shape, as it helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas more direct. In the first body paragraph, say clearly that busy parents may give a phone to a child to keep the child busy while they work or do jobs at home.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the conclusion. Instead, briefly sum up the cause and the main bad effects in new, simple words.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and carry too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so your meaning is easier to follow.
task response
You clearly give your view that this is a negative change, and you support it with the risk of children seeing harmful online content.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic and deal with both the reason for phone use and its effect on children.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the opening and ending make the essay feel complete.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “For instance”, “However”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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