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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often claimed that the growing dependence of young
people
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 on computers and mobile phones is having a damaging effect on their ability to read and write properly. I partly agree with
this
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 view, since the impact depends largely on how these devices are actually used.
Body paragraph 1
The main risk is that young
people
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 stop practising writing altogether, and any skill left unused eventually fades. Some
students
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 let artificial
intelligence
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 do their research or presentation, which can save them time at the cost of quality. A student may submit excellent essays all year,
then
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 struggle to produce a single paragraph in an examination hall.
Moreover
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, if a student has poor writing
skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
show examples
 they can get lower grades without artificial
intelligence
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 help.
As a result
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, artificial
intelligence
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 can produce
people
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 who are not able to write and can damage society with uneducated
people
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, if
students
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 use artificial
intelligence
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 correctly, it would not affect the quality of their work. When writing about personal experience,
for example
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, the technology has clear limitations, though it can still help
students
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 clarify their own ideas. Some
students
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 do not have a choice about using artificial
intelligence
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 with tight deadlines. It can help them save a significant amount of time to focus on creating new ideas or solving complex problems.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I partly agree that technology is harming young
people
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's literacy. The damage comes not from the devices themselves but from
students
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 who let them do the thinking,
while
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 those who use them as a tool lose nothing.

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task response
Keep your main view clear from the start. You partly agree, but say more clearly how far you agree and why this is your final view.
task response
Answer both reading and writing. Most of the essay is about writing and AI. Add one full idea about reading, such as short online posts making it hard for young people to read long books or hard texts.
task response
Stay close to the full topic. Computers and phones are in the question, but the body mainly talks about AI. Include phone use, such as messages, short videos, spell check, and online reading.
task response
Make the first body point more exact. AI may help a student hand in work that is not their own, but it does not always mean the work is low in quality. Explain that the real harm is less practice and less skill.
task response
Use a more direct example. For example: a student who uses AI for every home task may find it hard to plan, spell, and write alone in a test.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part plan is easy to follow: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this clear shape.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one strong main idea. The first can focus on loss of practice; the second can focus on guided use of devices as learning tools.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more closely inside the first body paragraph. The move from lower grades to harm to society is too fast. Explain each step, or remove the last claim.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'artificial intelligence' so often. After the first use, write 'AI', 'this tool', or 'it' when the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
The last line is too strong: 'those who use them as a tool lose nothing.' Change it to a softer and more true idea, such as 'may keep their skills if they still read and write on their own.'
task response
You give a clear two-sided view and keep the same view in the ending.
task response
The exam hall example is useful because it clearly shows the gap between work made with AI and work done alone.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs, and words such as 'Moreover', 'However', and 'In conclusion' help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives the topic and your view in a direct way.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Attention span
  • Autocorrect
  • Informal language
  • Internet slang
  • Short-form communication
  • Proofread
  • Traditional writing norms
  • Comprehensive reading
  • Visual media
  • Interactive learning
  • Engagement
  • Learning difficulties
  • Spellcheck
  • Complex sentence structures
  • Engaging platforms
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