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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 should fund artworks to
support
Use synonyms
 artists.
However
Linking Words
, others disagree and say that governments should focus only
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 important aspects rather than
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
. In my opinion, both perspectives are reasonable, but
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 are essential for society's
history
Use synonyms
 and
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
 creativity. On the one hand, it is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend money only
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 important aspects,
such
Linking Words
 as poverty.
Body paragraph 1
In fact,
people
Use synonyms
 believe investments in
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a waste of money,
while
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from
hanger
Use the right word
hunger
show examples
 and poverty.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
death
Replace the word
dying
 is increasing every year
due to
Linking Words
povery
Correct your spelling
poverty
 in different parts of the world.
Body paragraph 2
For example
Linking Words
, many countries need to
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 social issues
such
Linking Words
 as
hanger
Correct your spelling
hunger
 and poverty,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may lead to
decraese
Correct your spelling
decreasing
 the mortality rate
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 focus on
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 side.
As a result
Linking Words
, humans and societies with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 rate of
homeless
Replace the word
homelessness
 should be taken into consideration to
support
Use synonyms
 them first.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is thought by some that
arts
Use synonyms
 should be
founded
Verb problem
funded
show examples
 by governments
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
need to preserve
history
Use synonyms
 and express creativity.
Conclusion
In other words
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 are the only way to preserve our
history
Use synonyms
 and culture
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the next generations.
In addition
Linking Words
,
artisits
Correct your spelling
artists
 can express feelings and emotions more clearly through artworks like music or painting, and they are more likely to understand and share their views with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in China, governments are keen to
support
Use synonyms
artisits beacuse
Correct your spelling
artists because
 it is a way to keep the
history
Use synonyms
 of
china
Capitalize the proper name
China
show examples
 and to increase
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 national pride.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
arts
Use synonyms
 are
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
show examples
 part of
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 cultures and traditions, and it is important to express
someone
Correct pronoun usage
one's
show examples
 ideas and share
through
Correct pronoun usage
them through
show examples
abstarct
Correct your spelling
abstract
 ways. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 social issues need
government
Correct word order
more government support
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 more,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 are vital for every
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
history
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is the only method
people
Use synonyms
 can express their emotions and be creative.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. To improve, explain more clearly why art needs public money and why help for poor people may need to come first. Make your final view more direct: say how governments should share money between these two needs.
task response
Some main ideas need more support. For example, explain how art keeps history, helps local jobs, or brings people together. Also explain why money for food, homes, health, and schools can save lives.
task response
Your China example fits the topic, but it is very general. Give one clear kind of art or public plan, such as support for old buildings, museums, or music shows.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two sides, and an end. Each body part has one main idea, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “First, governments must deal with basic needs.” Then: “However, art also has an important place in public life.” Avoid using “In fact” when it does not add a new fact.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused. In the first body paragraph, put the main point first, then give a reason, then an example, and then link it back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and spelling because they sometimes make the meaning less clear: use “the state”, “important areas”, “investment in art”, “hunger”, “poverty”, “deaths”, “funded”, “artists”, and “China’s history”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show the view that money should go to urgent social needs, the view that art matters, and your own view.
task response
The ideas about history, culture, feelings, and creativity are relevant reasons for public support for art.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives the topic and your main view, and the conclusion returns to both sides of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • culture
  • creativity
  • economic growth
  • tourism
  • social development
  • personal development
  • merit
  • financial support
  • balanced
  • transparent
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