Some people think the government should take measures regarding the healthy lifestyles of individuals. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
some
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Some
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people
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believe that the
government
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should take responsibility for promoting a healthy lifestyle,
while
Linking Words
other
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others
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argue that
individuals
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should be the
one
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ones
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responsible
fot
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for
their own health. As far as
im
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I'm
concerned, both the
government
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and
individuals
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should have a role in changing unhealthy lifestyles and
maintain
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maintaining
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a healthy society.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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the
government
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should provide and encourage
people
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to have a healthy life, they should provide free healthcare education in schools and help raise awareness towards the elders and teenagers. They can
as well
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also
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build public parks and
sport
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sports
facilities, allowing other
people
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to exercise without spending a lot of money
yet
Punctuation problem
, yet
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make
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making
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it accessible for everyone.
Body paragraph 1
On the otherhand
individuals
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should
also
Linking Words
take responsibility for their own health.
People
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make daily decisions about what they are about to eat, how much they exercise, and how to manage their free time. Even if the
government
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provides useful information and facilities,
people
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must choose to use them.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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personal choices make a huge difference to maintain a good health.
Conclusion
As far as
im
Correct your spelling
I'm
concerned
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concerned,
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both should have some responsibility on their behalf
and
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, and
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the
government
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can provide the necessary support and facilities,
while
Linking Words
individuals
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should make sensible decisions about their daily life. All
to
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in
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all i believe that cooperation between governments and
individuals
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is the most effective way to encourage
people
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to live healthier lives
amd
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and
improve their daily decisions

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why some people think health is a private matter. For example, say that each person knows their own body and makes daily food and exercise choices.
task response
Your ideas about the government are useful, such as free health lessons, parks, and sports places. Add one clear example of how these can change people’s lives, such as a free park helping poor families exercise.
task response
Develop each main idea with a reason and an example. At present, some points are listed but not fully explained. This will make your answer more complete and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, government view, individual view, and conclusion. Keep this four-part plan, but make the first body paragraph easier to read by breaking the long sentence into shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “However” does not fit well before “the government should provide...”, because this is not the opposite of the sentence before it. Use “For example” or “In addition” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion shorter and avoid repeating “As far as I’m concerned.” State your final view once in a direct way: both sides should work together, with the government giving support and people making healthy choices.
coherence and cohesion
Check small linking phrases and word forms: write “On the other hand,” “All in all,” “a healthy life,” and “maintain good health.” These changes will make the flow smoother.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the role of the government, the role of people, and your own view.
task response
The points about public parks, sports places, and health lessons are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear paragraph order, and the final paragraph brings both sides together.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words such as “Therefore” and “while” to show the relation between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • rules
  • laws
  • taxes
  • ads
  • advertising
  • junk food
  • healthy food
  • exercise
  • health
  • public health
  • campaign
  • school meals
  • work place
  • education
  • choice
  • freedom
  • responsibility
  • cost
  • benefit
  • risk
  • ban
  • label
  • warning
  • policy
  • balance
  • support
  • improve
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