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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic wolrd. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these viese views and give your own opinion. Angsa

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It is argued whether sharing a great amount of scientific, business, and academic information is a good decision. Even though giving access to the details of those fields stimulates people's advancement in their areas, I believe a latter way of thinking is more correct, as it prevents the knowledge from losing its value by being maintained free. On the one hand, experts create a way to innovate developments in their fields, as the more they share, the deeper the new generation can explore and discover solutions to unsolved issues.
In addition
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, not only will educatees implement a higher level of accomplishment in their careers, but they
also
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 can maintain holistic approaches to the concerns.
For example
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, statistics provided by the Ministry of Knowledge and Science of Kazakhstan indicate that the number of openings achieved by local scientists has increased by 45% since 2018, which has resulted in the development of both education and economic conditions.
This
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 upward trend has occurred owing to the subsidised workshops initiated by the Government.
On the other hand
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, by distributing all the ins and outs of areas without demanding money, that information may rather be considered less valuable and commonplace.
Furthermore
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, given that all participants are not professionals, some apprentices may comprehend the purposes wrongly and cause more detrimental effects, putting themselves and others at risk.
For instance
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, one of the most renowned trainers in my country, Zhuldyz Akbolat, was under criticism by the majority of citizens. It turned out that the owners of minor businesses went bankrupt as they assumed the advice, given to large companies, could show the same profitable results. In conclusion, the distribution of scientific, academic, and trade data without demanding a price is causing controversy regarding its correctness.
Although
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 professionals can contribute to the enhancement of knowledge, I reckon people may stop seeing the preciousness of that data.

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coherence
Consider simplifying some of your sentences to improve readability. Ensure that each point is clear and concise.
task achievement
While you present both views well, try to strengthen your own opinion with more specific reasons or examples.
task achievement
Your essay presented a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before concluding with your opinion. This shows understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example from Kazakhstan, which added credibility to your argument about the positive impact of sharing information.
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