In many countries, woman no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because woman are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

4.5 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

The statement argues that

woman

Use synonyms

dont

Use synonyms

need men anymore to provide them with financial security and

therefore

Linking Words

Use synonyms

dont

Correct your spelling

don't

need to marry anymore. In

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will share my opinion.

Body paragraph 1

Over the

last

Linking Words

decades

Add a comma

decades,

show examples

there has been a movement that

Use synonyms

woman

Check wording

women

show examples

and

man

Fix the agreement mistake

men

show examples

are treated

equaly

Correct your spelling

equally

. That

woman

Use synonyms

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

getting paid the same and have rights to vote and can

also

Linking Words

be in leadership positions at work. Generally,

this

Linking Words

has led to

empower the feminine and

Correct word order

empowering women and allowing them to

show examples

choose for themselves if they want to be a mother or make a career or perhaps even both.

Therfore

Correct your spelling

Therefore

, I believe the statement is true that

woman

Use synonyms

dont

Use synonyms

need to marry any more just for

financial

Correct article usage

the financial

show examples

security provided by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

men. But financial security

Correct word choice

and

show examples

access to housing

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

not the only

reason

Fix the agreement mistake

reasons

show examples

why people choose to marry each other.

Body paragraph 2

For example

Linking Words

, to raise a family

woman

Use synonyms

might still want to marry in order to raise children together or to simply be in a

comited

Correct your spelling

committed

relationship.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, religious

believes

Replace the word

beliefs

and monogamous preferences make marriage a preference. I would even argue that because

Use synonyms

woman

Fix the agreement mistake

women

show examples

are not dependent anymore on the financial support of a

men

Fix the agreement mistake

man

show examples

, it's now a choice to marry rather than a dependency.

This

Linking Words

in itself can lead to more commitment in the relationship itself.

Conclusion

I would argue that

that

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

the traditional

relathion ship

Correct your spelling

relationship

form like marriage is

undergong

Correct your spelling

undergoing

a big change in general. I

Use synonyms

dont

Correct your spelling

don't

believe

this

Linking Words

is only because

Use synonyms

woman

Fix the agreement mistake

women

show examples

are able to finacially to support themselves

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

because the norms are changing in general. Marrying today is a choice rather than an act out of dependency

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

that

Punctuation problem

, in

show examples

opinion

Punctuation problem

opinion,

show examples

is an invitation for both genders.

geserastrology

Sep 20, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Your main view is clear: money is one reason why women may not need marriage, but it is not the only reason. Make your answer stronger by saying how far you agree in the first part and then keep this same view in every body part.

task response

Develop each main point more. For example, explain how paid work gives women a choice, then explain why love, children, religion, or shared life can still lead people to marry. Use one clear real-life example for each point.

task response

The last part gives a good wider view about changing social rules. However, link it more directly to the question: these changes, not only women’s income, can make marriage less necessary.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear opening, three main parts, and an ending. The order is easy to follow: work and income, other reasons for marriage, then change in society.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part. For example: “Income has made marriage less necessary for many women.” Then: “However, money is not the only reason people marry.”

coherence and cohesion

Some ideas are repeated, such as marriage being a choice rather than a need. Say this once clearly, then use the next sentences to add new support instead of repeating it.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words with care. “For example” should introduce a real example, but here it introduces a new general idea. Try “However,” “Also,” or “Another reason is” instead.

task response

You answer the full question and give a balanced view. You agree that women’s own income can reduce the need to marry for money, while also showing that marriage can be about more than money.

task response

Your point that marriage can become a free choice, rather than a need, is thoughtful and relevant.

coherence and cohesion

Your paragraphs each have a main focus, and the reader can follow the change from financial reasons to family, religion, and wider social change.

coherence and cohesion

The ending returns to your main idea and gives the essay a clear close.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

financial independence
earn a stable income
economic security
financially dependent on
pursue a career
make independent choices
own property
shared living costs
long-term commitment
emotional support
companionship
traditional gender roles
social expectations
cultural traditions
religious beliefs
raise children
changing social attitudes
personal priorities

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some people say that in our current modern age, it is unnecessary to teach hand writing skills to children what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, technology has developed so quickly that most people use gadgets even for the smallest tasks such as taking notes. Children are already introduced to laptops and mobile phones since elementary school. Moreover, the majority of the teachers use e-books and PowerPoint presentations in class, leaving no time for the students to interact with books and write manually. Does it appear to be not important anymore to have handwriting skills? I believe that teaching our children to write by hand is still very relatable and essential for two possible reasons: basic survival skills and brain-and-hand motor synchronization.
6.5
band
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extant do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Agree that the most important aim of science should be to improve population's lives.
6
band
The working week should be shorter and workers should a longer week.
There is a view that employees should be provided with longer non-working days and short work weeks. While this time table will be beneficial for mental health and creativity, it is better to maintain the standard schedule in order to avoid accumulating tasks and having to complete them all at once.
6
band
Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There is a trend for vast majority of people to hold an opinion that contest at work, and in daily life is a merit. Different ones have an opinion of cooperation, in preference to competing with each other. In my point of view, collaboration is far better work in place of rivalry, as it’s more entertaining and engaging. The following essay takes a look at both sides of the argument.
7
band
The internet has transformed how we interact and live in many great ways, but has also created problems that didn’t exist before. What are the more serious problems caused by the internet and what solutions could you suggest?
The internet has influenced how we socialise and live in many great ways. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate these potential problems. This essay will explore the main problems associated with the internet and suggest viable solutions.

In many countries, woman no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because woman are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

Some people say that in our current modern age, it is unnecessary to teach hand writing skills to children what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extant do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The working week should be shorter and workers should a longer week.

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The internet has transformed how we interact and live in many great ways, but has also created problems that didn’t exist before. What are the more serious problems caused by the internet and what solutions could you suggest?