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Band 6.5

Some people believe that reading books is more useful than watching television. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, some
people
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 believe that reading
books
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 is more useful than watching
television
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. Both are important, depending on time, spending, and personal preferences.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, reading
books
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 appeals to certain
people
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.
People
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 who believe reading
books
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 is more useful than watching
television
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 have their own reasons.
This
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 is because reading
books
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 increases their vocabulary through writing, which reflects their knowledge,
whereas
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 watching
television
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 affects their eyes.
For example
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, novelists who practice reading regularly write more successful novels than those who watch
television
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.
Therefore
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, reading is an important skill that needs to be mastered more than watching
television
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. To master the skill, you need about three months of reading three hours a day. From my perspective, reading
books
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 is more useful than watching
television
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 because it helps you become talkative, intelligent, and productive.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, watching
television
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 decreases their ability to focus on other materials.
In other words
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, because of so much entertainment, they will lose their interest in reading
books
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 who watch
television
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 decrease their ability to concentrate on maths, science and fiction.
As a result
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, they need to reduce their TV time to half an hour a day. From my point of view, they need to focus on knowledge and information and minimise entertainment.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both views need to be managed and monitored regularly. I believe that reading
books
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 regularly, around 200 pages a month, is enough to be social,
whereas
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 watching
television
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 for 20 minutes on useful topics and 10 minutes for entertainment is
also
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 beneficial.

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Task response
Discuss both sides in a more even way. The essay gives more space to reading, but the good side of television is not clearly shown. Add ideas such as news, nature shows, and learning from experts.
Task response
Make your own view clear from the start and keep it the same. You say both are important, but later you mainly say television is bad. State that reading is better overall, while useful TV can still help.
Task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how books build word knowledge, focus, and deep thought. Then say how useful TV can show real places, events, and skills.
Task response
Use examples that clearly prove the point. The point about novel writers is too broad, and the exact times for reading and TV do not prove that one is more useful.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: opening, reasons for books, reasons for television, and ending with your view. This will make the answer easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Start the television paragraph with its good side before giving its limits. At present, the paragraph begins with a bad point, so it does not fully show the other view.
Coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Make sure each link shows the real relation between the ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “From my point of view” in body paragraphs. Give your main view once in the opening or ending, then use the body paragraphs to explain it.
Task response
You answer the question and give a clear personal view that reading is more useful.
Task response
You give reasons for reading, including more words, knowledge, and better focus.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, two main body paragraphs, and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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