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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate over whether
parents
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 or
schools
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 should be primarily responsible for teaching
children
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 to become good members of society.
While
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parents
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 play an important role in shaping their
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children’s
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behaviour
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, I believe that
schools
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 have a greater responsibility because they teach young
people
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 how to interact and cooperate with
others
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 outside their family.
Body paragraph 1
Parents
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 can strongly influence their
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children’s
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behaviour
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 by acting as role models. Since
children
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 often look up to their
parents
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, they tend to observe and copy the way they behave. Young
children
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,
in particular
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, may imitate not only their
parents
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’ actions but
also
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 the way they speak to other
people
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.
For example
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, if
parents
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 consistently speak politely to
others
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 and help
people
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 in need, their
children
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 are likely to follow their example and develop values
such
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 as respect and compassion. In
this
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 way,
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children’s
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behaviour
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 can be shaped by what they see at home, meaning that
parents
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 have an important part to play in helping them develop positive attitudes towards
others
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.
Body paragraph 2
Schools
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,
on the other hand
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, have a broader influence because students spend a significant amount of time there and regularly interact with
people
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 from different backgrounds. Every school has its own rules and expectations, which students are required to follow in order to get
along with
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 their classmates and teachers.
This
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 gives them opportunities to practise cooperation, respect and other social skills in situations that are different from those at home.
For example
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, students in Thailand often have to complete group projects in science classes. By working together to complete a task, they learn how to share responsibilities, listen to different opinions and solve problems with
others
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. These skills can be useful later in life, when they have to work with
people
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 in universities, workplaces and wider communities.
Therefore
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,
schools
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 play a significant role in preparing young
people
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 to become responsible members of society.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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parents
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’
behaviour
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 can have a lasting effect on their
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children’s
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 character, I believe
schools
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 have a greater influence because they provide young
people
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 with regular opportunities to interact, cooperate and learn how to behave appropriately in a wider social environment.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task. You show both views and give a clear view of your own. To make your view even stronger, say more clearly why the role of schools is greater than the role of parents, not only different.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well explained. The home example works well. The school example is also useful, but it could be more wide: add one more school activity, such as sports or class talks, to show how children learn to live with others.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: start, parents, schools, and end. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “While”, “For example”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. Try not to use “For example” in both main paragraphs in the same way. You can also use “This means” or “As a result” to make the links feel more natural.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph clearly gives your view again. You could make it a little shorter by not repeating too many ideas from the school paragraph.
task response
Your own view is clear from the first paragraph and stays the same through the whole essay.
task response
You explain how parents teach by their own actions, and how schools teach through work with other people. These are strong and relevant ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is very clear, and the reader can follow your point from start to end without difficulty.
coherence and cohesion
Good topic sentences make the purpose of each main paragraph clear: one is about parents and one is about schools.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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