IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, a high proportion of people believe that authorities should
fund
Verb problem
invest
show examples
 a substantial a lot of money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
railways
Use synonyms
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
roads
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 many individuals find that
will
Correct pronoun usage
it will
show examples
 have more benefits for countries, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
manily
Correct your spelling
mainly
 because governments need to invest in both
ways
Check wording
areas
show examples
 equally, which
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 essential needs of each area.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
Linking Words
,
Roads
Use synonyms
 play a vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 connecting
coummunities
Correct your spelling
communities
 and people, particularly in areas where railway networks are unavailable.
This
Linking Words
 is because improved efficiency of
roads
Use synonyms
 can facilitate the daily long trips for drivers. Unlike trains, numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
,
suach
Correct your spelling
such
 as cars and
buses
Punctuation problem
buses,
show examples
 are
being enable
Wrong verb form
enabling
show examples
 citizens to
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 them for travelling directly to
suburbe
Check wording
suburban areas
show examples
 of cities, remote locations and villages.
Therefore
Linking Words
, spending a substantial amount of money to enhance public
roads
Use synonyms
 allows people to access workplaces, schools and other essential facilities easily.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason that justifies why governments should be more
equivalent of investment
Replace the word
invested
 in
railways
Use synonyms
 and
roads
Use synonyms
 is that
roads
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 crucial for transporting goods. A large number of companies rely on trucks to
delivery foods
Replace the word
deliver food
, construction materials and other products.
This
Linking Words
 means that if governments focus only on developing
railways
Use synonyms
, public road networks might face
difficults
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 that can lead to
inhibit
Wrong verb form
inhibiting
show examples
 transporting goods in some areas.
Consequently
Linking Words
, providing financial support to
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
roads
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a profound effect on the economic activity.
Conclusion
In
conclusin
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, authorities should be
balance
Wrong verb form
balanced
show examples
 in funding for both
railways
Use synonyms
 and
roads
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, alternative
show examples
alternative to
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
 concentrating on one of them completely. With
this
Linking Words
 approach, they will be able to maintain the connection
of
Change preposition
between the
show examples
 community and
transporting
Replace the word
the transportation
 of goods.
In addition
Linking Words
, the more they
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 equivalent in backing, the greater the
gurantee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 of
succes
Correct your spelling
success
 for the
transportain
Correct your spelling
transport
 sector.

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task response
Your view is clear: money should go to both roads and railways. However, the question asks about railways rather than roads. State more clearly why this is not the best plan, and explain why equal support is better.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. For example, explain how roads help people in small towns, and how trucks take goods from rail stations to homes and shops.
task response
Add one real or clear example. You could write about a village where buses and trucks need good roads because there is no train line.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two body parts, and ending. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make each first sentence more direct. For example: “Governments should continue to fund roads because many places cannot use railways.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Initially” is not natural here; use “First” or “To begin with”. Also, do not repeat “This means” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences and check the basic form: subject + verb + object. For example, write “Companies use trucks to deliver food” instead of “rely on trucks to delivery foods.”
coherence and cohesion
Check key word forms and spelling, as these can make your ideas less clear: “instead”, “mainly”, “communities”, “transport”, “suburbs”, “difficulties”, “develop”, and “conclusion”.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the opening to the ending.
task response
Your points about travel and moving goods are useful and fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
The two body parts each focus on one main point: people’s travel and the movement of goods.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “Another reason”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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