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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many People believe that current system of both teachers and students in the class room will no longer exist by the year 2050. To what extent do you agree with this statement

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Introduction
Over the
last
Linking Words
decades
Correct determiner usage
few decades
show examples
, most people argue that the traditional
education
Use synonyms
 structure, in which teachers conduct lectures inside the study halls for
Use synonyms
students
Punctuation problem
students,
show examples
 will be abolished by the year 2050.
While
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this
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 may be possible to some extent, I disagree with
this
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 claim because
this
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 educational framework has proven its effectiveness for many years in many schools.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
due to
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 the increasing popularity of online courses, many individuals predict that attending classes within the lecture halls will no longer be necessary
due to
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 convenience and affordability.
However
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, these reasons cannot totally eradicate the face-to-face learning structure. Public schools offer free
education
Use synonyms
 with well-structured modules and curricula that are continuously refined by respected experts and delivered in universities
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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 everywhere.
Furthermore
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, government support
such
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 as transportation concessions for
students
Use synonyms
, financial monthly allowances and available residential accommodations are available to eligible
students
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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,
although
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 online learning
may
Verb problem
is
show examples
 likely to expand, it is unlikely to completely replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical class attendance
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 tutorials and lectures.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the current teaching model, where teachers interact with
students
Use synonyms
 within the learning environments, has
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 track
records
Fix the agreement mistake
record
show examples
 of producing academically competent and well-rounded graduates. It is because of the delivery of well-structured modules and continuous refinement of curricula by respected experts within colleges and universities.
Students
Use synonyms
 must pass
required various
Correct word order
various required
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 assessments
while
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 adhering to strict school policies.
Consequently
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, highly qualified graduates are produced.
Additionally
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, the benefits of
physically
Verb problem
being physically
show examples
 present in a class extend beyond academic development
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it fosters
interpesonal
Correct your spelling
interpersonal
 skills.
For example
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, in science subjects, laboratory experiments are often conducted that
hones
Wrong verb form
hone
show examples
 critical thinking and communication skills;
while
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 in physical
education
Use synonyms
,
requires
Correct pronoun usage
it requires
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 regular sports activities that
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
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 sportsmanship, teamwork, and leadership
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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that is
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 challenging to acquire in virtual sessions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 there is a possibility that the traditional classroom-based instruction may decline in the future
due to
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 the fast technological improvements, I am confident that it will not entirely disappear. In my view, teachers and
students
Use synonyms
 occupying learning spaces in schools are here to stay because it
does
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not only provide high quality
education
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 a versatile individual.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree that the classroom will end. To make it stronger, explain more clearly why online learning cannot do all the work that teachers do. For example, say how a teacher can see a student’s problems and give help at once.
task response
Some points repeat, such as free schools, course plans, and help from experts. Use this space for one more direct reason about why teachers and students will still meet in person in 2050.
task response
Your examples about science labs and sport are useful. Make each example more exact. For instance, explain that lab work needs safe tools, close help, and group talk, which are hard to copy online.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep each main part focused on one idea. The first body part moves from online courses to public-school money help; connect these ideas more clearly or remove less central details.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words such as “however”, “furthermore”, and “consequently” help, but some links do not show a strong cause. Make sure the next sentence directly follows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Break them into two shorter sentences so your meaning is easier to follow. This is especially helpful in the first body part.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence forms in key places. For example, write “online learning is likely to expand”, “the benefits of being physically present”, and “physical education requires regular sports activities”.
task response
You answer the full question and state your view from the start. Your ending returns to the same clear view.
task response
You give relevant reasons for keeping classrooms, including teacher-student contact, tests, school rules, lab work, and sport.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are placed in a clear order: online learning first, then the value of face-to-face learning.
coherence and cohesion
The ending is short and clear, and it brings the main ideas together.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • teacher
  • students
  • class
  • classroom
  • learn
  • home
  • study
  • lesson
  • change
  • future
  • tool
  • help
  • guide
  • group
  • work
  • talk
  • think
  • more
  • less
  • cost
  • access
  • policy
  • time
  • year
  • 2050
  • different
  • will
  • could
  • should
  • together
  • this
  • that
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