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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some people say that technological inventions,
such
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 as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive.
Body paragraph 1
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Body paragraph 2
There is an ongoing debate over whether high-tech innovations, particularly digital
devices
Punctuation problem
devices,
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 increase the likelihood of social interaction. Personally, I mostly disagree with
this
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 idea,
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however
Correct word choice
apply
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there are still some undeniable factors to take into consideration, and the reasons will be explained in the following essay.
Body paragraph 3
First and foremost,
although
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 technology has already put our lives
into
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at
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 ease, in a way we could have never imagined, it brought several issues with itself. Excessive use of electronic means of communication may lead you to become socially isolated, especially
If
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if
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 you put it
on
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at
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 the centre of your life. Because, in
this
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 case, people give their full attention
on
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to
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 the countless amount of information, ignoring the
stimulus
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stimuli
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 happening around them in the real world.
Moreover
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,
this
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 is specifically exacerbating for introverts.
For instance
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, an asocial person who already does not prefer communicating face-to-face a lot may begin to lack interpersonal skills.
Body paragraph 4
On the other hand
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, we have instant access to information,
as well as
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 social media through our phones
that
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, which
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 enables us to keep in contact with anyone, at any time, and anywhere. Those mobile apps have versatile functions in which you can share viral videos, exchange messages,
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also
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and
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 react to your friends’ posts. A clear example can be acquaintances living abroad, and posting their daily
life
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lives
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 on their feed. In
this
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 case, you
do
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apply
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not only follow their daily lifestyles,
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also
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but also
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 contact
with
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apply
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them either by voice or video calls.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite some reasonable negative statements about the use of technological advancement
influencing
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negatively influencing
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 badly on the on-face interaction, I still support the idea that it
offered
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offers
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 us
wide
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a wide
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 range of resourceful features if its users have
the
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apply
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digital literacy.

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task response
Make your main view more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you mostly disagree because phones can help people stay in touch, but too much use can harm real-life talk.
task response
Explain the link between each point and the question more fully. In the first body paragraph, show how phone use can reduce time and interest for face-to-face talk. In the second, show how calls and messages help people keep close ties.
task response
Use a more real and clear example. For example, a student who calls family abroad each week can keep a close bond, even when they cannot meet.
task response
Your final paragraph should repeat your view in a simple way. Do not add a new point about digital skills unless you explain it earlier.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main paragraphs, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the first line of each body paragraph state one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in a natural way. “First”, “however”, “for example”, and “as a result” can help the reader see how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two or three short sentences so that the meaning is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make word choice more exact. For example, write “make life easier”, “pay full attention to”, “events around them”, “face-to-face interaction”, and “keep in touch with”.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view. Your points about too much phone use and keeping contact over long distance are both relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow. You use clear paragraph breaks and words such as “First and foremost”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The example of people living abroad supports your positive point and helps make the essay more real.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • mobile phones
  • social interaction
  • communication
  • connection
  • texting
  • calling
  • meeting
  • friends
  • social media
  • face-to-face
  • personal bonds
  • weaken
  • engaging
  • environment
  • less inclined
  • meaningful
  • reliance
  • settings
  • individuals
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