Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction

Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people say and do in both public and private settings.

Although

Linking Words

this

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development can improve safety and help prevent crime, I believe that its disadvantages, particularly the loss of privacy and the possibility of misuse, outweigh its benefits.

Body paragraph 1

One major advantage of technological monitoring is that it can improve public safety. Security cameras,

for example

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, can be installed in shopping centres, streets and public transport stations to discourage criminal activities. If a crime occurs, recorded footage can

also

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help the police identify suspects and investigate the incident.

In addition

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, monitoring technology can be useful in workplaces because employers can ensure that employees follow safety rules and protect company

information

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Therefore

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, reasonable monitoring can contribute to a safer environment.

Body paragraph 2

However

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, excessive monitoring can seriously affect people's privacy. When individuals know that their conversations, movements or online activities are being tracked, they may feel uncomfortable and less free to express their opinions.

Furthermore

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, personal

information

Use synonyms

collected through cameras, mobile applications and websites could be misused or shared without people's knowledge. If

such

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data falls into the wrong hands, it may result in identity theft, financial loss or other forms of harm. Another concern is that governments or companies could use monitoring technology excessively, giving them too much

information

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about individuals.

Conclusion

In conclusion,

although

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technological monitoring can enhance security and help prevent and investigate crime, excessive surveillance can threaten privacy and create opportunities for the misuse of personal

information

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Therefore

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, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, and monitoring should be used only when there is a clear and reasonable purpose.

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Sep 25, 2026

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task response

Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: the bad sides are stronger than the good sides. To make it even stronger, explain more fully why loss of private life is more serious than better safety.

task response

You give good points about crime, private life, and the wrong use of data. Add one more real or clear example, such as a phone app sharing a person's place without permission, to make your ideas more full.

task response

The work answers all parts of the question. You could compare the two sides more directly in one body part, so the reader can see why the good side does not make up for the bad side.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear four-part shape: start, good side, bad side, and end. Each part has one main job, so it is easy to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Your joining words, such as “Although”, “For example”, “In addition”, “However”, and “Furthermore”, help the ideas move well. Do not add too many more, as the flow is already natural.

coherence and cohesion

The last body part has several bad points. You can make the link even clearer by putting them in a set order: loss of private life first, wrong use of data next, and too much power last.

task response

You answer the question fully and give a clear opinion in both the first and last parts.

task response

The examples of cameras, police work, work safety, and stolen data are on-topic and help explain your points.

coherence and cohesion

The main ideas are in the right order, with the good side before the bad side and a clear final view.

coherence and cohesion

Each body part starts with a clear main idea, which makes the essay easy to read.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

surveillance
invasion of privacy
security
monitoring systems
misuse
criminal activities
productivity
psychological impact
data protection
workplace policies

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