IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweight the disadvantages?

7.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In recent years, global
tourism
Use synonyms
 has experienced unprecedented growth, making international
travel
Use synonyms
 far more accessible to the general public than ever before.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 expansion presents certain environmental and infrastructure challenges, I firmly believe that the economic and cultural benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend significantly outweigh its drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the ease of modern
travel
Use synonyms
 carries noteworthy disadvantages, primarily regarding environmental sustainability and local overcrowding. The rapid rise in commercial flights has dramatically increased global carbon emissions, directly contributing to climate change.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, popular destinations frequently suffer from over-
tourism
Use synonyms
, which places immense strain on local infrastructure and housing markets.
For instance
Linking Words
, historic cities like Venice and Barcelona face severe residential displacement and ecological degradation
due to
Linking Words
 the relentless surge of seasonal visitors.
Consequently
Linking Words
, uncontrolled
tourism
Use synonyms
 can occasionally diminish the quality of life for native populations.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the advantages of accessible international
tourism
Use synonyms
 are far more substantial. Economically,
tourism
Use synonyms
 acts as a vital engine for local businesses, creating countless employment opportunities in hospitality, transport, and regional craftsmanship. For many developing nations, foreign expenditure serves as a major driver of national income and infrastructure development. Culturally,
travel
Use synonyms
 breaks down geopolitical barriers and fosters mutual understanding among diverse populations. When individuals immerse themselves in foreign cultures, they develop greater empathy and global awareness, which actively counters xenophobia.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 affordable international
travel
Use synonyms
 generates environmental concerns and places pressure on local communities, its broader contributions are overwhelmingly positive. By boosting global economies and promoting cross-cultural appreciation, easy
travel
Use synonyms
 enriches both host countries and tourists alike, provided that sustainable management practices are properly implemented.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer the main question clearly and keep this view from start to end. To make the answer even stronger, explain more fully why the good points are greater than the harm. For example, say how jobs and local income can help people more than the costs caused by too many visitors.
task response
Your examples of Venice and Barcelona are useful and fit your point. You could add one clear example of a country or town where travel has brought jobs, better roads, or more money for local people. This would make the other side of your view as strong as the first side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. The links between ideas are easy to follow. You can make some links more direct by using simple words such as “because”, “so”, and “as a result” when you show why one idea leads to another.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part stays on one main idea, which helps the reader. In the second main part, the move from money to culture is clear, but a short linking line could make it smoother, such as: “Travel also has an important social effect.”
coherence and cohesion
The last part gives a clear final view. The phrase about careful travel plans is helpful, but it adds a new condition at the end. Briefly show earlier how such plans could reduce the harm, for example through limits on visitor numbers or cleaner transport.
task response
You give a clear view that the good points are greater than the bad points, and you support it with points about jobs, money, and learning about other people.
task response
The examples of crowded old cities make the problems real and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what your view is, and the ending returns to the same view clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of phrases such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” makes the order of ideas clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: