Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sport, while others think it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Many people believe that
companies
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sponsor
sports
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for their commercial purposes, and
this
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is positive.
While
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others regard it as negative.
This
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essay will discuss both views before offering a reasoned opinion.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, proponents of
sponsorship
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believe that sponsoring
sports
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can have a positive impact on
sports
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. When
companies
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sponsor
sports
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, they provide financial support for sporting events, which provides event
organizers
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organisers
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with adequate financial resources.
This
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can
also
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lead to increased visibility and popularity of
sports
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, making them attract large groups or live audiences.
This
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sparks passion in many young people to become
athletes
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, and the
sponsorship
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provides them with opportunities to excel.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, critics argue that
sponsorship
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has negative impacts that
companies
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are fully aware of.
Sports
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have become more
commercialized
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commercialised
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than a fair game or community event. Sponsors are more focused on making money rather than supporting
sports
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. They know about the emotional connections fans have with
sports
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. Fans deeply admire their favourite
athletes
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and teams. When a brand supports those teams, fans transfer their positive feelings and loyalty from the sport to the company.
Sponsorship
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has
also
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affected
athletes
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' performance.
Companies
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that pay money to
athletes
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, teams, or events have developed a mindset of winning at all costs, where they are willing to sacrifice fair play, ethics, health, and safety.
For instance
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, many
athletes
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cheat, intentionally injure opponents, and use performance-enhancing drugs to win just to receive massive financial rewards and salaries. They play through severe concussions or serious injuries for prize pools.
Conclusion
In my opinion,
sponsorship
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is somewhat beneficial for encouraging
sports
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but can be detrimental for professional
athletes
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, as it can cause serious harm to their mental and physical health, leaving them with less potential to participate in
sports
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further
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.

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Task response
You answer all parts of the question. You show both sides and give your own view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why the good points are more or less important than the bad points.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more care. For example, do not say all sponsors want money more than sport. Explain that this may happen in some cases, such as when a brand puts too much pressure on a team.
Task response
Your example about drugs and injuries is useful. Make the link to company support clearer: large prize money and strong pressure to win can lead some players to take unsafe choices.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: start, good side, bad side, and your view. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, change “This can also lead” to “As a result, this support can also lead”. This will show the cause and result more clearly.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same point about money and winning. Join or cut these parts so each sentence adds a new idea.
Coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph is too short. Add one or two sentences to explain how sport groups can take company money but still protect fair play, player health, and the rules.
Task response
You discuss the good side and the bad side in a fair way, then give a clear personal view.
Task response
The points about money for events, more people watching sport, and risks to player health are on topic and easy to understand.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main side of the topic, so the order of ideas is clear.
Coherence and cohesion
You use simple signposts such as “Firstly”, “On the other hand”, and “In my opinion” well.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sponsorship
  • advertisement
  • financial support
  • visibility
  • popularity
  • athletes
  • excel
  • healthy competition
  • commercialization
  • fair competition
  • profits
  • well-being
  • exclusion
  • less popular sports
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