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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, more and more people use robots to do tasks at home and at work. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In the fast-paced world, there is an ongoing debate about whether robots
are
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apply
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being used to do tasks at home and at work is positive or negative.
While
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 advanced technology brings undeniable benefits, it
also
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 presents significant challenges.
Therefore
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, ahead of my
opinion
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, both views will be discussed
further
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.
Body paragraph 1
Examining the former
opinion
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, the primary argument is that androids play a crucial role in modern society because they can widespread use of digital platforms has altered
humans
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humans'
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 workload. At home, robots performed repetitive household tasks
such
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 as vacuuming, washing
machines
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dishes
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, and cleaning. They can serve as a tool for individuals to save time, reduce anxiety, and spend more time with their families.
This
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 frees humans from routine assignments .At the workplace, they can perform assignments quickly and accurately, diminishing the risk of errors and
tired
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fatigue
, which can help companies increase production and decrease mistakes.
In addition
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, individuals believe that high-tech devices
facilitates
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facilitate
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 people's lives boosts productivity across various sectors, including healthcare, manufacturing, and scientific research. What is more, automated systems can operate tirelessly, leading to improved productivity and efficiency.
Body paragraph 2
On the contrary
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, those in
favor
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favour
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 of the latter
opinion
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 have their own arguments.
To begin
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 with, they claim that increased automation and the widespread use of
android
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Android
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 can result in significant social challenges. One major concern is job loss, as machines increasingly replace human workers in industries, potentially leading to higher unemployment rates.
Furthermore
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, people who over-reliance on technology may lead to a decline in independent thinking, and excessive screen time may lead to sore eyes and
link
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be linked
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 to social isolation.
Conclusion
To conclude
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 and offer my position, there are convincing arguments both for and against the popular use of machines in modern society.
However
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, I
favor
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favour
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 the former
opinion
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 because robots bring many benefits for individuals,
such
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 as the facilitation of life,
enhance
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enhancing
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 higher productivity, and
improved
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improving
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 safety.

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task response
Give your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that you think this is mainly a positive change, then keep this view clear in the whole essay.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and one real example. For example, explain how a robot helper can help an older person at home, or how a robot can make factory work safer.
task response
Some ideas are too general. Do not only say that robots improve life or work; explain who gains, how they gain, and why this matters.
task response
The point about screen time and sore eyes does not fit robots very well. Replace it with a closer point, such as people losing work skills or becoming too dependent on machines.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: good points, bad points, then your view. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one short, clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more naturally. You use words such as 'Furthermore' and 'In addition', but some long sentences still join too many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear phrases such as 'the former opinion' and 'the latter opinion' when they may make the reader stop. Say 'the positive side' or 'the negative side' instead.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence has a clear subject and verb. For example, 'robots can widespread use of digital platforms has altered humans workload' is not clear and breaks the flow.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of robots, and you give a clear final view that their good points are stronger.
task response
You include useful main ideas, such as saving time at home, fewer errors at work, job loss, and dependence on machines.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow your plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and several linking words to show changes between ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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