IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

it was predicted that people living in the twenty-first century would have more free time than ever before because of improvement in technology. To what extent has this prediction come true?

4.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The issue of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
living in the twenty-first century
would have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more free
time
Use synonyms
 than ever before because of
improvement
Check wording
improvements
show examples
 in
technology
Use synonyms
 has become a significant concern in recent years.It is widely believed that many
people
Use synonyms
 depend on
technology
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all
their
Check wording
aspects of their
show examples
 daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay explores the causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem and suggests possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause is that many
Use synonyms
technology
Fix the agreement mistake
technologies
show examples
 can save
people
Use synonyms
`s
time
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
, if a
woman
Use synonyms
 wants to
washing
Wrong verb form
wash
show examples
 her clothes,she can put her clothes in
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
 machine,so that the
woman
Use synonyms
 has leisure
time
Use synonyms
 .Another factor is that many
people
Use synonyms
 feel bored because they do not have something to do ,because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 do everthing .
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 generation do not know about the important
work
Use synonyms
 and they
just
Verb problem
are just
show examples
 playing
in the
Change preposition
with
show examples
 digital
technology
Use synonyms
 ,
such
Linking Words
 as
laptop
Check wording
laptops
show examples
,
TV
Check wording
TVs
show examples
,and
smartphone
Check wording
smartphones
show examples
,which has significant implications for
people
Use synonyms
`s lives.
Body paragraph 2
One solution is that
people
Use synonyms
 should use
less the
Correct word order
technology less
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 ,and do
work
Use synonyms
 by themselves ,which would help
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to depend on themselves because the
technology
Use synonyms
migh
Correct your spelling
might
 break down
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,if a
woman
Use synonyms
 always
washs dishs
Correct your spelling
washes dishes
 by the washing machine,the washing machine might break down
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
woman
Use synonyms
 must wash the
dishs
Correct your spelling
dishes
 by herself.Another solution is that parents should monitor their
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 and give them
time
Use synonyms
 to do
work
Use synonyms
 without using
technology
Use synonyms
 ,which has been shown to reduce
using
Replace the word
the use of
technology
Use synonyms
 and to depend on themselves in the future.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
have more free
time
Use synonyms
 than ever before are pressing issue.By adopting
to
Check wording
a strategy to
show examples
 use less
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 and monitor children to depend on themselves in the future,we can address the root causes and
work
Use synonyms
tawards
Correct your spelling
towards
 a better outcome.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the main question all the way through. The question asks how far the idea has come true. Your essay changes to causes and ways to fix a problem. Instead, say if people have more free time now, and explain why.
task response
Give a clear view in the first part. For example: technology gives many people more free time at home, but it does not always do so at work because phones and online work can take more time.
task response
Use two main ideas that directly answer the question. You could write about home tools, such as washing machines and online shopping, then write about work, where people may be busy because they can be reached at all times.
task response
Do not spend a full body part on telling people to use less technology or telling parents what to do. These ideas do not answer the question.
task response
Make each example prove your point. The washing-machine example is useful, but explain that it cuts time spent on house work and gives time for rest, family, or hobbies.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same plan from start to end. Your first part says you will discuss causes and solutions, but the task does not ask for solutions. Use a plan that matches the question.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then explain it, give one example, and link it back to free time. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. Words such as “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In contrast” can show the link between ideas. Do not use “Another solution” when you should be adding a new reason.
coherence and cohesion
Your last part should sum up your answer to the question. It should state whether the prediction is true to a large or small extent, not give advice about children.
task response
You give a clear real-life example of a washing machine saving time. This is linked to the topic of technology and free time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, two main parts, and a final part, so the reader can see a basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “For example”, “Another factor”, and “To sum up”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: