IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

It is argued that government funding should be used to provide computer training for people aged 65 and above. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is argued that governments should allocate public funding to provide
computer
Use synonyms
 training for
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and above. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 proposal because digital skills can help older
adults
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 manage essential services independently and remain connected with family members and the wider community.
Body paragraph 1
The primary advantage of
computer
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 training is that it can increase independence among older
people
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. An increasing number of essential services, including banking, healthcare appointments and government procedures, are becoming available online. Without basic digital skills, elderly citizens may have to depend on relatives or other
people
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 to complete routine tasks.
For example
Linking Words
, an older person who knows how to use online banking can pay bills and manage financial matters without assistance.
This
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 can give them greater control over their daily lives and reduce unnecessary dependence.
Body paragraph 2
Digital literacy can
also
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 help older
adults
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 remain socially connected and informed. Many
people
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 over the age of 65 have relatives or friends living in different cities or countries, and online communication enables them to maintain regular contact. Video calls and messaging applications,
for instance
Linking Words
, allow older
adults
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 to communicate with family members without travelling long distances.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the internet provides access to news, educational resources and useful information.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
computer
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 training can reduce social isolation and help elderly citizens participate more fully in modern society.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that governments should fund
computer
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 training for
people
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 aged 65 and above.
Such
Linking Words
 programmes can promote independence in dealing with essential services and help older
adults
Use synonyms
 remain socially connected and informed.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it stronger, add one short point about why public money is a good use of funds, such as less need for help from family or public staff.
task response
Your two main ideas are well explained. You could make the answer more complete by noting that some older people may need face-to-face help, so classes should be simple, slow, and free.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Each part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your links between ideas are clear, especially “For example”, “Moreover”, and “Consequently”. Try not to use the same pattern too often; you can also link ideas by using words such as “This means that” or “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats the two main reasons well. It could be even more direct by adding a final short line about the wider good for society.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly show strong support for public funding.
task response
The examples of online banking, health care, video calls, and messages are closely linked to the main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is very clear: first, being able to do daily tasks alone; next, staying in touch with others.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one point and gives a reason and an example before moving on.
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