IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people believe that saving money for the future is important for everyone, especially for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many
people
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 believe that saving
money
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 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 is important for everyone, especially for young
people
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. I mostly agree that saving
money
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 helps
people
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 achieve important
life
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 goals.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of saving
money
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.
Firstly
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, saving
money
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 helps young
people
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 achieve important
life
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 goals. Many young
people
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 have dreams
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 saving
money
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 helps turn their dreams
to
Change preposition
into
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 reality.
For instance
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, saving can help young
people
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 cover education costs.
As a result
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, saving
money
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 helps
people
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 achieve their goals.
Therefore
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, saving
money
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 is an important habit for young
people
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.
However
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, focusing too much on saving
money
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 can limit personal growth. If
people
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 focus only on saving
money
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, they may forget to enjoy
life
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 and invest in themselves.
As a result
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, they can miss important opportunities for personal development.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should keep a balance between saving
money
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 and enjoying
life
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.
Overall
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, saving
money
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 is a good habit, especially for young
people
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, but
people
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 should keep a balance between saving
money
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 and enjoying
life
Use synonyms

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task response
Make your view stronger from the start. You say you “mostly agree”, but the essay says saving is important and then gives one small warning. Say clearly how far you agree and keep this view clear in each part.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how saving for school, a home, or hard times can help young people. Then give one clear example with more detail.
task response
The question asks about saving for the future for everyone, with young people as a key group. Add a point about other people too, such as parents or old people, so your answer covers the full question.
task response
Your second body part is too general. Explain what “invest in themselves” means, such as paying for a class, travel, or health. This will make the point more real and useful.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated lines. You repeat that saving helps people achieve goals. Instead, add a new reason or explain the same reason in more depth.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are correct but very simple. Show the link between ideas more clearly. For example: “This means that they may not need to borrow money for school.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending a little more direct. Restate your main view and sum up the two key ideas: saving gives safety and helps with future plans, but people should still spend on important needs and growth.
task response
You give a clear main view: saving money is good, but people should also enjoy life. You answer both parts of the idea in the question.
task response
You use a useful example about paying for education. This is linked well to young people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. The order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “However”, “For instance”, and “Overall” help the reader follow your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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