In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as role models and they are having an increasing influence on young people. Is this a positive or negative development?

7.0 / 9
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is true that many famous
people
Use synonyms
are increasingly regarded as role models and have a strong
influence
Use synonyms
on young
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
some
celebrities
Use synonyms
promote positive values, I believe
this
Linking Words
is generally a negative development because their lifestyles can create unrealistic expectations
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
their inappropriate
behaviour
Use synonyms
may be copied by impressionable young
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, famous
people
Use synonyms
can create unrealistic expectations among young
people
Use synonyms
.
Celebrities
Use synonyms
often display expensive clothes, cars, holidays and luxurious lifestyles on social media, which may give teenagers the impression that success is mainly measured by wealth and popularity.
For example
Linking Words
, a young person who constantly follows a wealthy influencer may become dissatisfied with an ordinary lifestyle and feel pressure to buy fashionable products.
This
Linking Words
can lead to unnecessary spending and materialistic attitudes.
Although
Linking Words
some
celebrities
Use synonyms
promote hard work and responsible
behaviour
Use synonyms
, the constant display of luxury can still have a strong
influence
Use synonyms
on inexperienced young
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Another concern is that young
people
Use synonyms
may imitate inappropriate
behaviour
Use synonyms
shown by some
celebrities
Use synonyms
. Famous individuals are highly visible, and their actions can quickly spread through television and social media.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a popular public figure promotes aggressive language, reckless
behaviour
Use synonyms
or unhealthy habits, some teenagers may copy these actions in an attempt to appear fashionable or confident.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
may develop undesirable attitudes or habits.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason,
although
Linking Words
famous
people
Use synonyms
can sometimes encourage positive
behaviour
Use synonyms
, their growing
influence
Use synonyms
can be harmful when their public image is based on materialism or inappropriate conduct.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the increasing
influence
Use synonyms
of famous
people
Use synonyms
on young
people
Use synonyms
is generally a negative development. Unrealistic lifestyles can create materialistic expectations,
while
Linking Words
inappropriate
behaviour
Use synonyms
may
also
Linking Words
be copied by impressionable teenagers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your answer has a clear view from the start, and you keep this view to the end. To make it even stronger, add one more real or more exact example, such as a case of a young person copying a star online.
task response
Your two main reasons are clear: young people may want a life of money and may copy bad acts. You could also say why young people are more open to this effect, for example because they are still learning what is right.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. The order is good: first an opening, then two main parts, then an ending. Each main part has one clear idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words well, such as 'On the one hand', 'For example', and 'As a result'. To make the flow more natural, use a wider mix of simple links, such as 'Also', 'Because of this', and 'In this way'.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat in a similar way, such as the point that some famous people can be good role models. Keep this point short, so there is more space to fully build your own main reasons.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear opinion that this is mostly a bad change.
task response
The examples about costly products and copying unsafe or unhealthy acts directly support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph starts with a clear main idea, and the ending brings both main points together.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear, so the reader can understand your argument without effort.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: