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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that educated people are more valuable than people who have learned skills through experience. Do you think that educated people are the most valuable for society? What kinds of skills can people learn through experience that can benefit society?

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
Formal education plays an important role in preparing
people
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 for many professions, but I do not believe that educated individuals are necessarily more valuable to
society
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 than those who have developed practical
skills
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 through
experience
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. In my view, a successful
society
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 depends on both academic
knowledge
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 and hands-on expertise, because each contributes in different ways.
Body paragraph 1
People
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 with formal qualifications are essential in fields where specialist
knowledge
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 is required. Doctors, engineers, teachers and lawyers,
for example
Linking Words
, need extensive education before they can perform their roles safely and effectively. Their academic training enables them to understand complex theories, apply established principles and make informed decisions.
However
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, qualifications alone do not guarantee practical competence. In many occupations,
experience
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 is equally important because it teaches
people
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 how to deal with real situations, solve unexpected problems and adapt their
knowledge
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 to different circumstances.
Body paragraph 2
Experience
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 can
also
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 develop a wide range of
skills
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 that are highly valuable to
society
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. Practical abilities
such
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 as construction, repair work, farming and machinery operation are often learned largely through repeated practice rather than classroom study.
In addition
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,
people
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 can develop communication, leadership and problem-solving
skills
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 through years of working with others.
For instance
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, an experienced tradesperson may be able to identify and fix a technical problem quickly,
while
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 a long-serving supervisor may know how to manage conflict and motivate a team effectively. These
skills
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 contribute directly to the functioning of communities and workplaces.
Conclusion
In conclusion, educated
people
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 are undoubtedly valuable, particularly in professions that require specialist
knowledge
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, but they should not be regarded as more valuable than those who have learned through
experience
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.
Society
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 benefits most when academic
knowledge
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 is combined with practical ability, judgement and interpersonal
skills
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 developed in real-life situations.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task well. To make the view even stronger, say more clearly why both groups have the same value, not only that both are needed.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit the main ideas. Add one more real-life example of a skill learned at work, such as care work or driving, and explain its help to people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. Each part stays on one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more clear links between ideas. For example, after the point about doctors and engineers, add a short line that leads into skills learned from work.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long. Break one or two of them into shorter sentences to make the ideas even easier to read.
task response
Your main view is clear from the start: school learning and learning from work both help society.
task response
You give useful examples of jobs that need study, such as doctors, engineers, teachers, and lawyers.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is very good: first formal study, then learning from experience, then a short summary.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "However", "For instance", and "In conclusion" help the reader follow your ideas.
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