IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In recent times, there have been a lot of discussions about many individuals who think that in the modern era, the use of theatres and cinemas is no longer crucial for
people
Use synonyms
, as they have access to online platforms so that they can watch entertainment free of cost.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and say that they will both be vital in view of economic and cultural growth.
Body paragraph 1
Many responses support the idea of watching movies on online platforms rather than visiting cinema halls in person. It will help with money management.
Also
Linking Words
, sitting on a couch will provide more comfort than the theatres.
Likewise
Linking Words
, there is no time limit to watch a movie. They can have access to it very easily.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can watch their favourite movie at any time without any interruption in between and with more relaxation.
Body paragraph 2
Other
people
Use synonyms
 might disagree and say that it will play an indispensable role in growth factors and traditional sides. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the number of bookings in cinema halls gave profit to the government in economic rate.
Moreover
Linking Words
, films
also
Linking Words
 play an impactful role in cultural areas. To epitomise, multiple cultures are shown in films in a wide variety so that
people
Use synonyms
 get to know about different forms of religions and traditions. Apart from that, it will
also
Linking Words
 increase the financial standards of higher authorities by applying tax on the movies.
Conclusion
To recapitulate, both will have equal weightage. But, digital technology is gaining more popularity as it will be available at any time without booking or travelling. A person can catch it with ease at their home without any disturbance.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, which is good. However, make your view clearer: say if you think online viewing is better overall, or if cinemas and theatres should still have an important place.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For example, explain how online films save money, and then explain why a shared cinema or theatre visit may still matter for jobs, local business, and culture.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Your example about watching at home is useful, but add a clear case, such as families using a streaming site or a local cinema bringing people to nearby shops.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: online viewing, then cinemas and theatres, then a final view. Keep this plan, but make the links between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. Then give one or two reasons and an example. This will help the reader follow your point without effort.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid short, unclear sentences such as “It will help with money management” and “They can have access to it.” Say exactly who “they” are and what “it” means.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with care: “First,” “For example,” “However,” “In addition,” and “Therefore.” Do not repeat the same idea about comfort and easy access too often.
task response
You cover the two views in the question: the ease of online entertainment and the economic and cultural value of cinemas and theatres.
task response
Your final paragraph gives a personal view that online entertainment is becoming more popular because it is easy to use at home.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, and each paragraph has a main purpose.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Whereas,” “Moreover,” “For instance,” and “To recapitulate.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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