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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some people argue that hosting international
sports
Use synonyms
 ceremonies is beneficial for
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a country
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country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 economic growth and for
global
Correct determiner usage
its global
show examples
 reputation,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that there are some serious challenges in doing so. I am of the view that it is good for tourism, cultural values and
for
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 hospitality industries.
Body paragraph 1
On one side of the argument, there are some
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 who
thought
Wrong verb form
think
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 that
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 can face difficulties in arranging
sports
Use synonyms
event
Check wording
events
show examples
 for different countries. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that building venues for teams required a lot of
fund
Replace the word
funding
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments can use public resources in the construction of buildings.
As a result
Linking Words
,
influx
Correct article usage
an influx
show examples
 of visitors can increase
houing
Correct your spelling
housing
 prices as it leads to housing crises. Another reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 spectators can cause environmental pollution by throwing away empty bottles. They can destroy
stadiums
Check wording
stadium
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 chairs and other facilities.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
refurbishment
Correct article usage
the refurbishment
show examples
 of equipment
also
Linking Words
 put burden on authorities in the form of labour and material.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 making
arrangments
Correct your spelling
arrangements
 for global games helps
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
countries
show examples
 in many ways. First of all, international
sports
Use synonyms
 promote
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
country
Check wording
country's
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 cultural values and norms.
However
Linking Words
, these types
types
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
of
event
Check wording
events
show examples
 foster national pride and unity in the eyes of
global
Correct article usage
a global
show examples
 audience.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
such
Linking Words
 events encourage adults to play some sort of
sports
Use synonyms
. Another reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 tourism as people
travelled
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
 across the
country
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, individuals visits to local market and
do shopping
Wrong verb form
shop
show examples
 for their friends and families.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views are commonly held,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 good for economic growth as the visitors come with different currencies.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. This answers the main question. Make your view more clear in the first paragraph and keep the same view in the last paragraph.
task response
Give fuller reasons for each point. For example, explain how new roads, hotels, and shops may help local people after the event.
task response
Your example is too general. Use one real event, place, or clear made-up case. Say what happened and how it helped or hurt the country.
task response
Some points need more care. Sports events can bring tourism, but they may also cost a lot. Explain why the good points are stronger than the bad points in your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, other side, and ending. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, start with cost, then explain it, then give its result. Do the same for pollution and damage, or put them in a new paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link words such as “therefore” and “as a result” are used well, but do not use them too often. Make sure each link shows a real cause or result.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and repeated words. For example, write “sports events” rather than “sports ceremonies”, “the country” rather than “country”, and “I” rather than “i”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending stronger. Restate both sides in one short sentence, then clearly say why you think the good effects are greater.
task response
You cover both the possible problems and the possible gains of hosting a world sports event.
task response
You give clear ideas about cost, homes, waste, tourism, culture, and local business.
coherence and cohesion
The use of separate paragraphs helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending both show your main view, which gives the essay a clear direction.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic boost
  • infrastructure
  • national pride
  • cultural showcase
  • inspire a generation
  • temporary boost
  • environmental concerns
  • sustainable planning
  • public funds
  • divert resources
  • tourism influx
  • job opportunities
  • sports development
  • public health
  • construction
  • strategic investment
  • global audience
  • hospitality
  • public services
  • cost-benefit analysis
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