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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people think technological devices such as smart phones, tabkets and mobil phones bring more disadvantages than advantages. To what exteend do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
Some
people
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 argue that
devices
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such
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 as smartphones and tablets have brought more harm than good. I partly agree with
this
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 statement.
Although
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 these
devices
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 have advantages, they
also
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 have a darker side
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as distraction and easier access to illegal goods.
Body paragraph 1
The most obvious drawback of these
devices
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 is how easily they distract
people
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 from more important tasks.
For example
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, a
student
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 might find it harder to study because their brain has become used to fast rewards,
while
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 studying only offers a sense of achievement much later.
As a result
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, a
student
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 who cannot focus may receive lower grades or even fail tests, which can affect their future opportunities.
Moreover
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, these
devices
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 have made it easier to buy illegal goods.
For instance
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, a buyer can find an illegal seller within minutes, and law enforcement may find it harder to track them.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 can affect society as a whole. As more
people
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 become addicted to illegal substances, crime rates may rise, putting innocent
people
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 at risk.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, most
devices
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 have a 'Do Not Disturb' mode, so a
student
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 can study without interruptions. These
devices
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also
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 make learning more flexible. A
student
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 who does not understand a lesson can find another explanation online and pause it whenever they need to. Smartphones
also
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 allow
people
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 to stay in touch with family and friends abroad through free video calls, something that was once expensive or impossible.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I partly agree that smartphones and tablets bring harm, since they can distract students and make illegal goods easier to obtain.
However
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, when used responsibly, they offer real benefits in education and communication.

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Task response
Your view is clear: you partly agree. To make it even stronger, say more clearly why the good points and bad points are of equal weight. You could also add one more point about how people can use these devices in a safe way.
Task response
Your main ideas are on topic and well explained. The point about illegal goods is useful, but it is very broad. Give a more direct link to phones and tablets, such as private online groups or fast messages.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, bad points, good points, and conclusion. Keep this plan. The conclusion also matches your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
Most links between ideas are easy to follow. Try not to use too many link words in one place, such as "Moreover" and "Furthermore". At times, a short clear sentence can make the flow better.
Coherence and cohesion
The first body part has two different bad points: loss of focus and illegal goods. You may make the flow clearer by giving each point its own paragraph, or by using a clearer first sentence for the second point.
Task response
You answer all parts of the question and keep the same balanced view from the start to the end.
Task response
The student example clearly shows how phone use can hurt study and future work. The examples of online learning and video calls also support the good side well.
Coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main purpose, and your ideas move in a natural order.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as "For example", "As a result", and "However" well to show cause, result, and contrast.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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