IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Popular events like the Football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tension and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent you agree?

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In the contemporary era, major athletic tournaments like the FIFA World Cup and the Olympic Games command the attention of billions worldwide. Some people argue that these international sporting events are vital for mitigating global political tensions and providing a safe outlet for national pride. I completely agree with
this
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 perspective, as these competitions foster cross-cultural unity and channel patriotism into harmless entertainment, provided that spectators maintain mutual respect. On the one hand, international sports serve as an excellent vehicle for releasing nationalistic
fervor
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fervour
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 constructively
while
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 alleviating societal stress. During world-class tournaments, citizens can passionately cheer for their country's athletes, which temporarily unifies a population and satisfies the human desire for tribal belonging.
This
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 display of patriotism is generally safe because it is confined to a playing field with strict rules of sportsmanship.
Furthermore
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, these events provide a massive source of entertainment, offering a healthy escape for families and friends to bond and decompress from the
rigors
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rigours
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 of daily work or academic life.
On the other hand
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, it must be acknowledged that hyper-nationalism can occasionally
catalyze
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catalyse
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 bitter disputes between nations when matches become overly contentious.
For instance
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, biased refereeing decisions or perceived fouls frequently spark toxic arguments among social media users of different nationalities, which can alienate communities and damage diplomatic goodwill.
Moreover
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, the spirit of fair play is sometimes tarnished by the darker side of sports culture,
such
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 as illicit gambling and match-fixing.
Nevertheless
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, these negative
behaviors
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behaviours
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 are usually confined to a radical minority of fans and do not diminish the overarching diplomatic benefits of the games. In conclusion, international sporting spectacles are undeniably advantageous in bridging cultural divides and offering a peaceful arena for patriotic expression.
While
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 excessive fan fanaticism and gambling can occasionally lead to
localized
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localised
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 conflicts, the collective benefits of entertainment and global harmony heavily outweigh these drawbacks. Ultimately, as long as spectators
prioritize
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prioritise
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 respect and fair play, sports will remain an invaluable tool for global unity.

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Task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you answer both parts of the question. To make the answer even stronger, explain more directly how sport can ease tension between governments, not only between fans. Add one clear real example, such as athletes from two countries meeting or working together during a major event.
Task response
The point about harm from very strong national feeling is useful, but it takes a large part of the essay. Give a little more space to the main reason why you agree: how shared sport can build trust, respect, and contact across countries.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, main good points, other side, and ending. Keep this strong shape. In the second main paragraph, make the link back to the question more direct after the example of online arguments.
Coherence and cohesion
Your linking words are used well. Still, some sentences are long and hold many ideas. Split a few of them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending sums up your view well. Avoid adding a new condition at the very end unless you have fully developed it earlier. You could mention respect and fair play more clearly in the body paragraph before repeating them in the ending.
Task response
You give a clear, full answer and keep the same view throughout: major sports events can give people a safe way to show love for their country.
Task response
Your ideas are relevant and well chosen. The points about shared support, family time, online conflict, and fair play all connect to the topic.
Coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main purpose, and the move from benefits to possible problems is easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening states your view clearly, and the ending returns to it in a direct and complete way.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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