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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people find it hard to balance work and personal life. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done to solve it?

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
In today's fast-paced world, a growing number of people struggle to achieve a healthy balance between their careers and private lives.
This
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 is largely
due to
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 excessive working
hours
Use synonyms
 and the constant availability created by modern technology, and I believe that the most effective solution is for employers to introduce flexible working arrangements.
Body paragraph 1
The first major cause is the culture of long working
hours
Use synonyms
. In many industries, employees are expected to stay at their desks well beyond official finishing times in order to appear committed.
Consequently
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, they return home exhausted and have little energy left for family, friends or hobbies, which gradually damages their relationships and
overall
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
.
Body paragraph 2
Another cause is that technology has blurred the boundary between work and home. Because most people carry smartphones, they can be contacted by colleagues or managers at any time, even at weekends.
For instance
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, a worker who replies to emails at midnight never truly switches off, and
this
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 constant pressure makes genuine relaxation almost impossible.
Body paragraph 3
To tackle
this
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 problem, employers should offer flexible working arrangements,
such
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 as remote work or adjustable
hours
Use synonyms
.
This
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 would allow employees to organise their day around their personal commitments,
for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 by collecting children from school or exercising before work.
As a result
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, staff would be less stressed and more motivated, which would
also
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 benefit companies through higher productivity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, long working
hours
Use synonyms
 and permanent connectivity are the main reasons why people struggle to balance their lives, and flexible working policies would be the most practical way to address
this
Linking Words
 issue.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question clearly: you give causes and a way to deal with them. To make the answer stronger, add one more solution, such as clear rules that stop work calls and emails after work hours.
task response
Your ideas are clear and stay on the topic. You could explain why flexible hours may not work for every job, then show how each job can still give staff more free time.
task response
The example about school pick-up is useful. Add one more real-life example for long work hours, such as a parent missing family meals because they leave work late.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: causes first, then a solution, then a short ending. Each paragraph has one main idea, which makes it easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “Consequently”, “For instance”, and “As a result”. To make the links feel more natural, do not use too many formal link words in close parts of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph sums up your main points well. It could be even better if it also said why the solution is the best choice for both workers and firms.
task response
You give two clear causes: long work hours and being able to be reached at all times through phones.
task response
Your solution is direct and well explained. You show how flexible work can help people with family needs and health.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending returns to the same key ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a clear way from cause, to effect, to solution. This makes the essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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