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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think prison is the best way to punish criminals, while others believe community service is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
People hold very different views on how
criminals
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 should be punished.
While
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 some argue that imprisonment is the most appropriate response to crime, others believe that
community
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service
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 is more effective. In my opinion,
community
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service
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 is the better option for most
offenders
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,
although
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 prison remains necessary for dangerous
criminals
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.
Body paragraph 1
Supporters of prison sentences argue that they protect the public. By removing violent
offenders
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 from society, prisons prevent them from reoffending, which gives communities a sense of security.
For example
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, a person convicted of armed robbery cannot threaten shop owners
while
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 serving a long sentence.
Consequently
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, many people feel that strict punishment is the only way to maintain law and order.
This
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 view is particularly strong when crimes involve serious violence.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, I believe that
community
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service
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 is more beneficial for the majority of
offenders
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, particularly those who commit minor crimes. Prisons are extremely expensive to run, and many prisoners return to crime after their release because they mix with hardened
criminals
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 and lose their jobs and family ties.
In contrast
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, working in the
community
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 teaches
offenders
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 responsibility and allows them to repair the damage they have caused,
for
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instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
show examples
 by cleaning public parks or helping the elderly.
As a result
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, they are more likely to rebuild their lives and become productive members of society, which ultimately benefits everyone.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 prison is necessary to protect the public from dangerous
criminals
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, I believe that
community
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service
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 is a more effective and humane way of dealing with most
offenders
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, as it reduces crime in the long term
while
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 saving public money.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your view even stronger, explain more clearly why work for the community is not right for some people, such as repeat or very violent offenders.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well developed. Add one more real or clear example of a minor crime and a useful form of community work to make the points more full.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “For example”, “Consequently”, “In contrast”, and “As a result”. Do not add too many more links; keep using them only where they show a real link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The ending matches your view in the opening. You can make the move between the two main body paragraphs even smoother by adding a short line that shows prison may protect people now, but community work may help stop crime later.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain the case for prison, the case for community work, and your own view.
task response
Your example of armed robbery clearly shows why prison can be needed to keep people safe.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas move in a clear order, and the reader can easily see which view each paragraph supports.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening gives a direct plan for the essay, and your ending gives a clear final answer.
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