Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development. Others think it is important for children to attend school. Discuss the advantages of both views and give your own opinion.

There has been an ongoing debate about whether parents should let children study at
home
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or school. I firmly believe that
although
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both sides offer some benefits, encouraging children to attend
institute
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institutes
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seems more appealing. On the one hand, studying at
academy
Correct article usage
an academy
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may help children gain relevant and advanced knowledge. To clarify, university curricula were carefully designed and censored in order to provide valuable information which is actually helpful and highly academic for
students
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in their study path.
As a result
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,
students
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may be able to access a broader opportunity pool which fosters their personal growth.
For instance
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, science or social subjects -
such
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as literature and math - are well-organized so as to help
students
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collect fundamental knowledge which is highly demanded in their dream jobs.
On the other hand
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,
home
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education
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may allow
students
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to become flexible in approaching diverse knowledge.
In other words
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, syllabuses and lessons are not restricted to a certain range, so
students
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can be taught about world facts that they would not be covered in school by attending household extracurricular activities. As a direct result, they gain more experience
as well as
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deeper insights into social skills or progress, these are great advantages compared to others.
For example
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, In Japan, a study suggests that individuals who are taught at
home
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perform better than their peers when it comes to realistic and practical tasks. In my opinion, driving young people to go to school is more beneficial, even if
education
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at
home
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shows its merit.
This
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is because if teenagers take part in mainstream schools, the interactions and collaboration between them and their friends or teachers will be promoted.
This
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situation yields a benefit in that it cultivates a more cooperative and innovative environment which makes
students
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become more team-orientated, proactive,
as well as
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inclusive. These qualities help
students
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easily embrace diversity, and
then
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they can be more productive in their work
due to
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interpersonal involvement. In conclusion, both sides some some truth, yet participating in schools delivers substantial benefits which are about encourage
students
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' engagement and trustworthy, advanced
education
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, regardless of practical experience from apartment
education
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents both views, but try to make your opinion clearer from the start. Use phrases like 'In my view' clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a main idea, but improve your connections between sentences for better flow. Use linking words like 'however' or 'in addition'.
task achievement
Some examples were relevant, but ensure they are directly connected to your argument. Explain how they support your point.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion in the essay, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You include examples from Japan which add depth to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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