IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Although
Linking Words
 some people believe that
students
Use synonyms
 at university should
study
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 anything that interests them, others think that they should only
study
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 the
subjects
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 that will have importance in their
future
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. I believe that
students
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 should be allowed to
study
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 what appeals to them because they would not feel like it is a chore
,
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apply
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while
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 studying to get a
degree
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 can safeguard their
future
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. On the one hand,
students
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 who
study
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 what they like would feel enthusiastic and would put more effort
on
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into
show examples
 it.
Therefore
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, they would improve in that field of
study
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 and excel in it.
For example
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, Ryan Reynalds pursued his passion for acting, despite being in an engineering university. If he did not learn the art of acting, he would not be one of the most talented actors today.
Therefore
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,
students
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 should learn what they love.
On the other hand
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, learning
subjects
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 that are necessary for the
future
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 will guarantee a
degree
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 and be useful to place jobs in the
future
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. Most of the companies that employ workers require a
degree
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 to get jobs. Getting a
degree
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 by putting effort
in
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into
show examples
 the necessary
subjects
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 will secure job placements, as most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies employ workers with a
degree
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.
For instance
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, highly skilled professionals,
such
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 as doctors put hours on end to become doctors. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 focusing solely on university
subjects
Use synonyms
 can be useful in getting into the workforce, I firmly believe that
students
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 will be putting effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 they like without finding it hard and eventually excel in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one and make sure that the essay flows smoothly. Avoid abrupt transitions and aim for more sophisticated linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
While the argument structure is solid, some points can be expanded further. Delve deeper into your arguments to provide a more comprehensive discussion.
task achievement
Be sure to develop your ideas more fully. While you have clear points, they can benefit from more depth and detail. Provide additional examples and explanations.
task achievement
Use more varied and specific examples to illustrate your points. Personal anecdotes can be compelling, but academic essays benefit from a range of evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a strong structure.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically divided into separate paragraphs, making the essay easy to follow.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view which enhances the completeness of your response.
task achievement
The use of a specific example (Ryan Reynolds) makes your essay engaging and relatable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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