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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think children have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some might argue that
children
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 should be allowed to learn from their
mistakes
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,
whereas
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 others think that
parents
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 should stop their
children
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 from making
mistakes
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 that embarrass them. In my view,
children
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 should be free to make small
mistakes
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, but
adults
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 should step in when there is a risk of harm.
Body paragraph 1
In situations where
children
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 could hurt somebody or themselves, it is better to stop them without physical punishment. Some
parents
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 where I am from physically punish their
children
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 for small
mistakes
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.
For example
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, a
child
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 who does not want to study for an exam may be beaten simply for disobeying their
parents
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.
As a result
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, the
child
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 may experience
this
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 as abuse, and that feeling can affect them for years.
Furthermore
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, a
child
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 normally sees their home as a safe place where they can express their feelings to their
parents
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.
However
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, a
child
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 whose
parents
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 beat them will think of their home as an unsafe place and may suppress their feelings.
Therefore
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,
adults
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 should prevent dangerous
mistakes
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, but in a calm and caring way.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, making small
mistakes
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 is one of the most effective ways for
children
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 to learn, just as it is for
adults
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. Learning how the world works through experience is far more effective than being told what to do.
For example
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, a
child
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 who spends all their pocket money on the first day will have nothing left for the rest of the week.
As a result
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, they learn to plan their spending. In
this
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 way,
children
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 learn how to be responsible, so that in the future they will not struggle in situations they know nothing about.
Therefore
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,
adults
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 should allow small
mistakes
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, as they prepare
children
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 for adult life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that young people can be responsible for their
mistakes
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 and learn from them, but
adults
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 should intervene when a
child
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 could be in danger. Dangerous
mistakes
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 should be stopped, but calmly and without punishment.
While
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 dangerous
mistakes
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 should be stopped calmly and without punishment, small
mistakes
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 teach
children
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 responsibility and prepare them for adult life.

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Task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why adults should stop a child before a dangerous act, not only after it happens.
Task response
Your examples are clear and fit your ideas. The point about a child not studying moves close to the idea of punishment. Keep the main focus on mistakes and how adults can guide a child.
Task response
The final paragraph repeats the same idea about dangerous mistakes. Use this space to give one short final reason why small mistakes help a child grow.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: one side, the other side, then a final view. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Most links between ideas work well, such as “For example”, “As a result”, “Furthermore”, and “Therefore”. Try not to use “As a result” too often, as it can sound repeated.
Coherence and cohesion
The last two sentences say nearly the same thing. Remove one of them or join them into one clear final sentence.
Coherence and cohesion
In the first main paragraph, begin with the main point about danger, then give the example of punishment. This will make the paragraph stay closer to the question.
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show both sides and clearly state your own view.
Task response
The pocket-money example is simple, real, and useful. It clearly shows how a small mistake can teach a child to plan.
Coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main idea and an example, so the reader can follow your point with ease.
Coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gives a clear plan for the essay, and your final paragraph returns to your main view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
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