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Writing Samples
Band 7

Money is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Many
people
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 believe that individuals of all ages, including the younger generation, should put money aside for the years ahead. I largely agree with
this
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 statement because saving helps young
people
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 avoid debt.
Body paragraph 1
Young
people
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 nowadays get into debt over unnecessary things. Social media and advertising constantly encourage them to buy things they do not need.
For example
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, a teenager may buy the latest phone in instalments.
As a result
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, they forget about their essential needs,
such
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 as transport and university fees.
Consequently
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, they end up working an extra shift or looking for a part-time job when they should be studying for school or college.
Therefore
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, young
people
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 should learn about their needs, save money and be responsible for their choices, so that they can focus on their studies in
this
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 crucial period of their lives.
Body paragraph 2
Admittedly, saving money can put additional stress on young
people
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. Some of them worry about how their parents will react if they spend it.
For example
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, a university student who has saved for months may feel guilty about buying a simple meal with friends.
However
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,
this
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 stress is usually temporary, and it can be reduced by setting a clear goal for their savings.
Therefore
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, saving remains a wise habit, as long as young
people
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also
Linking Words
 allow themselves to enjoy small rewards.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I largely agree that
people
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 of all ages should build savings for their future.
Although
Linking Words
 saving can sometimes cause stress, it protects young
people
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 from debt and allows them to focus on their education.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you keep the same view to the end. To make it stronger, add one more main reason for saving, such as help in an emergency or money for future study.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your ideas. Make them more real by showing how saving a small amount each month can help a young person pay for a need later.
task response
The second main part talks about stress, but it is less strong than the first part. Explain more clearly why this stress does not mean young people should stop saving.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. Each part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “However”, help the reader follow your ideas. Try not to use “Therefore” many times; use simple links like “This means” or “Because of this” as well.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences in the first main part are long. Split one or two of them into shorter sentences so that the key point is easier to see.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear view: young people should save, but they should still enjoy small things.
task response
The phone example clearly shows how buying things that are not needed can lead to debt and less time for study.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a clear order: debt, stress, then a short final answer.
coherence and cohesion
The final part brings back both main ideas and gives a clear ending.
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