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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that managers are responsible for the company's success, while others think various features of the organization play vital role in it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is argued whether the
success
Use synonyms
 of an organisation is the responsibility of its management since they set strategies and oversee them, or whether other factors ,
such
Linking Words
 as finance and human resources, have an impact. Personally, I agree with the first point of view.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some people think that various elements contribute to a company’s
success
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. To elaborate, for an organisation to achieve its goals, it should maintain sufficient liquidity to fund its projects
in addition
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 to hiring an adequate and qualified workforce to carry out these projects.
Moreover
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, the market demand is an effective factor.
For example
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, one of the most successful clothing stores (Zara) constantly renew their collection to keep up with trends , and they ensures the quality of their products to fulfil the market demand .
Nonetheless
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, I believe that good management is essential to an organisation’s
success
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others, including myself, believe that
managers
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 bear the primary responsibility for a company’s
success
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, as they are the ones who implement strategies and monitor their progress. Good management involves developing a plan based on the available financial and human resources, setting suitable goals, and continuously assessing and adjusting them to ensure their feasibility and efficiency.
For instance
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,
managers
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 should not approve projects that the company cannot afford, and they should supervise the recruitment process and evaluate employees to ensure they fulfil their designated roles. They should
also
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 identify potential risks and take measures to contain them. Failure to perform these responsibilities effectively may cause the company to suffer financial losses or even fail.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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 various factors contribute to an organisation’s
success
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, I believe that effective
managers
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 are needed to make the most of these factors.
Therefore
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, I believe that a company’s
success
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 is primarily the responsibility of its
managers
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.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why managers are more important than market demand, money, or workers. Show how managers can shape these parts.
task response
Your Zara example fits the point about market demand. However, check the facts and grammar: Zara is one store or company, so use “it renews” and “it ensures”. You could also explain how its managers make this work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. The order is easy to follow, and the conclusion matches your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The linking words are mostly clear, but “Nonetheless” at the end of the first main part feels a little sudden. Use a smoother link, such as “However, these factors need good managers to use them well.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main part focused on one idea. In the first main part, finance, workers, and market demand are all useful, but add one short final sentence to tie them together as parts that support success.
task response
You answer every part of the question. Your view is clear from the introduction and stays the same through the conclusion.
task response
The second main part gives clear reasons for the role of managers, such as making plans, checking progress, hiring staff, and dealing with risk.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well shaped, with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful links such as “On the one hand”, “Moreover”, “For example”, and “To conclude” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • management
  • vision
  • direction
  • decision-making
  • resource allocation
  • leadership
  • inspire
  • retain talent
  • innovation
  • commitment
  • organizational features
  • market conditions
  • competitive strategies
  • technological advancements
  • company culture
  • employee satisfaction
  • operational efficiency
  • brand reputation
  • research and development
  • customer service
  • performance
  • adapt
  • embrace change
  • structural flexibility
  • strategic flexibility
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