IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that protecting our
plant
Use the right word
planet
show examples
 is a crucial subject for every human being
in
Change preposition
on Earth
show examples
this
Linking Words
 earth,
while
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that only a big institution can make a change, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 consider that an individuals held the most power to contribute
in
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to
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 improving our environment.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, these large companies are mostly the
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
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 causing damage to our
plant
Use the right word
planet
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, many industrial companies discharge their waste to the environment without processing
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the animals and the forests around are being harmed.
For example
Linking Words
, many
articals
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articles
 have been released concerning
about
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apply
show examples
how the marin life is suffering because of the trash.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider
,
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apply
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 the individuals can make big changes to these activities.
it
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It
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 is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that they can influance thses institution to be more
environment
Replace the word
environmentally
 friendly.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
Linking Words
, they are the
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
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 with the upper hand in
such
Linking Words
 positions.
For instance
Linking Words
, many cases around the years where the people protest against large names in many industries making them
loss
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to lose
 money and apologising to the public.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite people having
diffrenet
Correct your spelling
different
 views,
i belive
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I believe
 that both parties can work
togather
Verb problem
together
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 hand
by
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in
show examples
 hand in fighting for
greater
Add an article
a greater
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 cause
, each
Punctuation problem
. Each
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 could have their way to assist, either by governments
start funding
Wrong verb form
starting to fund
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 projects to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature, or by people volunteering to clean the parks or the beach and create
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational activities for the youngers the grow better
habit
Check wording
habits
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.

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task response
State your view in a clear and steady way. At first, you say that people have the most power. At the end, you say both sides should work together. Choose one main view and keep it through the whole essay.
task response
Answer the key idea more fully: can people do nothing, or can they help? Explain what people can do, such as use less plastic, save water, vote, buy from green firms, and join local clean-ups.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. For example, explain how many small daily acts by many people can lower waste and push firms to change.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The example about sea life is too general. Give one short, direct case, such as people refusing single-use bags so shops use fewer bags.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first paragraph with your view; one paragraph about governments and big firms; one paragraph about people; final paragraph that restates your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one idea. The third and fourth paragraphs both discuss people, so join them or give each one a different job.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “However”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”. Do not use “Moreover” if the next idea does not strongly add to the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence starts and key words. Write “the planet”, “individuals”, “these institutions”, and “environment-friendly”. This will make the links between sentences easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear view that people can help the environment, and you also note that governments can fund useful work.
task response
You include ideas about waste from firms, harm to forests and animals, public action, and clean-up work. These ideas are on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body paragraphs, and a final paragraph, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental awareness
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • waste reduction
  • conservation
  • ecosystem
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • responsibility
  • leadership
  • legislation
  • investment
  • collaboration
  • systemic change
What to do next:
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