IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

An increasing number of people are changing careers during their working life. What do you think are the reasons of this? Is it a positive or a negative development for society?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Introduction
Body paragraph 1
In a fast-growing world, it is very important for us to learn more skills and keep developing ourselves, and
this
Linking Words
 will create new opportunities that we have to grab. Sometimes, it is in the forward direction, or sometimes it is different from routine
work
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that changing career paths after starting to earn is in favour of society.
This
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 will be discussed in
this
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 essay.
Body paragraph 2
Body Paragraph 1
Body paragraph 3
Firstly
Linking Words
, to commence with, in the modern era, anyone can learn at any age, whether it is related to their stream or not, and
this
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 will help to increase the literacy rate of the nation.
Moreover
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, it will increase competition in the market and motivate employees to enhance their working capacity. Hard
work
Use synonyms
 pays off when they change the field as desired and
according to
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 current requirements.
Body paragraph 4
Body Paragraph 2
Body paragraph 5
For instance
Linking Words
, sometimes pupils,
while
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 choosing a field, might not know very well about the practical implications.
Therefore
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,
at the end
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 of completing their studies and doing the job, they face certain types of problems,
such
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 as being unable to produce the expected output, or they might lose interest in their
work
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 6
Conclusion
Conclusion
As a result
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, workers start thinking about changing jobs and doing whatever they want to do,
according to
Linking Words
 their interests, because having an interest in
work
Use synonyms
 will affect a person’s personal life or
work
Use synonyms
 life. In a recent survey of online studies, 70% of people take subscriptions to online courses, and they come online to add more degrees to their curriculum and
also
Linking Words
 learn what they have not yet done and give one more chance to their passion. In recent times, there are many streams which might be highly affected by technology, infrastructure, and the COVID pandemic, which will change the working style compared with before
this
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 decade. So, nowadays, people are constantly working on their resumes to make them stronger, improve their knowledge, and change their jobs
according to
Linking Words
 the opportunities.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give clear reasons for career change, such as better pay, new skills, job loss, or lack of interest. Then explain why this change is good for society.
task response
Keep your main view clear from start to end. You say career change is good, but some later ideas only describe why people change jobs. Explain the good effect on workers, firms, and the wider public.
task response
Use one clear example. The online-course survey is not fully explained and may not be true. A simple example of a worker moving from a job with no future to a job with high need would be stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph on reasons, one paragraph on effects for society, and a short conclusion. Your second body paragraph gives another reason, but it does not fully develop the main question about society.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one main idea, then explain it and give an example. For example, begin with: 'One reason is that people may find that their first job does not suit them.'
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words such as 'First', 'Another reason', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'However'. Avoid starting with several similar phrases, such as 'Firstly, to commence with'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion shorter. It should restate the reasons and your view. The current conclusion adds many new ideas, including technology, COVID, and resumes, so it feels like a new body paragraph.
task response
You give a clear view that career change is good for society, and you give useful reasons linked to learning and personal interest.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives the reader a clear basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as 'Moreover', 'For instance', 'Therefore', and 'As a result', to show links between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Career Transition
  • Skill Acquisition
  • Economic Downturn
  • Lifelong Learning
  • Job Fulfillment
  • Work-life Balance
  • Technological Change
  • Entrepreneurial Venture
  • Gig Economy
  • Professional Growth
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