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Writing Samples
Band 5

The population of many cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects on people living in these cities? What can be done to maintain the quality of life of people?

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Introduction
In the contemporary era, urban
centers
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centres
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 are getting more and more crowded. The overpopulation phenomenon has various negative impacts on citizens’ lives,
such
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 as
pollution
Use synonyms
 and rising house prices.
This
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 essay will examine possible impacts and
therefore
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 give a solution to the problem.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, in metropolises, residents will face diverse kinds of
pollution
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. The most common one is noise
pollution
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, since the amount of transportation in cities is incredibly high and traffic volume is excessive in many
areas
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.
This
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 problem might affect citizens’ mental health and sleep quality
,
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;
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as a result
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, their well-being will be negatively affected. Another kind of common
pollution
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 is light
pollution
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. In modern cities, there are bright billboard signs on every corner, and there are scientific studies linking light
pollution
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 in urban
centers
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centres
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 with insomnia and sleep disorders. Both of these kinds of
pollution
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 can negatively impact people’s quality of life and health.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, there are still solutions for these problems. The most popular reason for
this
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 phenomenon is that the city’s planning is not suitable for residential
areas
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, since these
areas
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 should be isolated from crowded regions with billboards and heavy traffic streets. In order to deal with
this
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, I believe the government should plan
or
Correct word choice
to
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 move residential
areas
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 to the suburbs or the outskirts, leaving the
center
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centre
show examples
. By separating residents from sources of
pollution
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,
this
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 solution will help
minimize
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minimise
show examples
 the harmful effects on them.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I believe that all urban
centers
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centres
show examples
 nowadays share the same problems, typically noise and light
pollution
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.
However
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, it is the government’s responsibility to isolate the residents from sources of
pollution
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 and help
minimize
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minimise
show examples
 harmful impacts on their well-being.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: you show effects and give a way to help. However, the range of effects is quite small. Add one more clear effect, such as very high rent, long travel time, or too much stress.
task response
Explain the link between rapid city growth and each problem more fully. For example, more people may mean more cars, less space, and higher home costs.
task response
Your main answer says that homes should be moved to the edge of the city. This may not be easy or enough on its own. Add other steps, such as better public transport, more low-cost homes, parks, and rules on noise and bright signs.
task response
Use a more real example to make your ideas stronger. For instance, say that a train or bus system can cut car use and lower noise in busy areas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the first body part about all effects and the second body part about all ways to help.
coherence and cohesion
The move from pollution to city planning is a little sudden. Start the solution part with a clear link, such as: “To solve these problems, city leaders need better plans.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold too many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear links such as “therefore give a solution” and “the most popular reason.” Use direct links: “This essay will discuss these effects and suggest ways to improve life in cities.”
task response
You stay on the topic and clearly discuss harm to health and sleep caused by noise and light.
task response
You give a clear main solution: keep homes away from heavy traffic and very bright city areas.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main purpose, and the conclusion brings your key ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words, such as “First of all,” “Nevertheless,” and “To conclude.”
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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