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Writing Samples
Band 3

It is more important for doctors to have good communication skills than to have deep knowledge in their discipline/field/specialization. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is on going argument about whether doctors should focus more on their
communication
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skills
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 or specializing on their
field
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 and discipline.
Although
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 some believe that being an excellent communicator is more advantageous. In my opinion, I disagree with the statement,
although
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 having good
communication
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skills
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 is a bonus.
This
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 essay will explain why.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, in the interconnected world,
discipline
Correct subject-verb agreement
disciplines
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 and doctors complement each other. To explain, to become a doctor, it requires discipline and immense work
,
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;
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such
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 an approach can lead to success.
For example
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,
a university
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at the University
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 of Asmara, medical students have to work hard
,
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apply
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 and spend seven years specilizing their
field
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 to graduate.
Furthermore
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,
by
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apply
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embracing improvement in the
field
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, it can lead to personal growth and fulfil life
overall
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. The opportunities will start to surface,
such
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 as a job abroad.
Thus
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, having knowledge is power.
Body paragraph 2
To solidify, having good
communication
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skills
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 has some merit, especially in the medical
field
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.
For example
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, psychiatrists work with patients to diagnose
their patients
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 with
communication
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.
However
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 general, a hospital full of doctors, most of the time, demands imperative attention and action.
Hence
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, enhancing the
field
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 outweighs having
communication
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skills
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 there are valid arguments on both sides, in my opinion, having a deep understanding of your
field
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 is more advantageous.
This
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 is mainly because it leads to success and satisfaction
of
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in
show examples
 life.

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task response
Your view is clear: deep medical knowledge is more important. However, develop this idea more fully. Explain why knowledge helps doctors make safe choices, find the right illness, and give the right care.
task response
Your first main paragraph is not focused enough. It talks about discipline, hard work, jobs abroad, and life success. Link every point more directly to doctors and patient care.
task response
The example about medical students studying for seven years is useful, but explain how this deep study helps a doctor treat patients better. The point should support your main view, not only show that study is hard.
task response
Your paragraph about communication is too short. Explain that good communication helps doctors listen, build trust, and help patients follow advice. Then clearly show why this still cannot replace strong medical knowledge.
task response
Use more exact examples. For instance, a doctor may speak kindly, but without enough knowledge, they may miss a serious illness. This would make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two body paragraphs, and an ending. This gives it a good basic shape. Make the main idea of each paragraph clearer before adding examples.
coherence and cohesion
Some topic sentences are hard to understand. For example, “discipline and doctors complement each other” does not clearly state your point. Use a direct sentence such as: “Deep medical knowledge is more important because it helps doctors make safe decisions.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. “To solidify” is not natural here. You can use “On the other hand” to introduce the other view, and “However” to return to your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeated or unclear words, such as “the field” and “discipline.” Say “medical knowledge,” “specialist knowledge,” or “medical training” when you mean these ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need clearer grammar so the reader can follow your meaning. For example, write “There is an ongoing argument” and “doctors should focus more on medical knowledge or communication skills.”
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
You include both sides of the discussion, which is important for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present, and the conclusion clearly repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing and some linking words, such as “To begin with,” “Furthermore,” and “In conclusion.”
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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