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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The pictures show the changes of a park from 1980 to the present day. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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Introduction
The graph provides key information about the changes that happened to the
park
Use synonyms
 from the year 1980 until
our
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 present day.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the pictures that the changes were made to draw more people to the
park
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the current
park
Use synonyms
 has more activites to the childrens and families,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the old version of the
park
Use synonyms
 focused more on nature and preserving the trees and plants.
Body paragraph 2
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, in the 1980
park
Use synonyms
, there is a single pathway leading from the gate to the deep parts of the
park
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
 ther are plenty of trees on the right side of the picture, and to the north of the
Use synonyms
park
Add a comma
park,
show examples
 you could see a lot of flowers around the gate area.
Moreover
Linking Words
, on the west
side
Add a comma
side,
show examples
 there is a lake and four seats where you could watch the lake.
Conclusion
In terms of the current
park
Use synonyms
, the pathway
Linking Words
instead
Punctuation problem
, instead
show examples
 of being one direction,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leads to four different directions. The lake part
still
Verb problem
is still
show examples
 the same as the old one, except the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of seats
reduced
Verb problem
has been reduced
show examples
 to three. In the area where trees used to
be
Add a comma
be,
show examples
 there are tables where families could throw a
barbicue
Correct your spelling
barbecue
 party. And in the north east
area
Add a comma
area,
show examples
 there is a playground for kids.

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task response
Give a clearer main view in the first part. Say which old parts stayed, which parts were taken away, and which new parts were added. This will help the reader see the biggest changes at once.
task response
Check each map detail carefully. The lake did not stay the same because the seats changed. Also, use the map words only when you are sure of the place, such as north-east, west, and near the gate.
task response
Add more direct comparisons between the two times. For example, say that the trees on the right were removed and a family food area was put there instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: old park first, then the park now. Keep this order, but make the main ideas in each part even clearer with short topic sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'also', 'moreover', and 'in terms of' are useful, but some sentences need a clearer link. For example: 'By contrast, the path now goes in four directions.'
coherence and cohesion
Make sentence forms more complete and clear. For example, write 'There are plenty of trees' and 'The lake is still in the same place.' This will make the ideas easier to follow.
task response
You describe the main new parts well, including the play area, the family food area, and the new path system.
task response
You make a useful overall point that the park now has more things for children and families.
coherence and cohesion
The writing is split into clear parts for the old park and the park now, so the reader can follow the time change easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use place words such as 'right side', 'west side', and 'north east area' to help show where features are.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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