Society is based on rules and law. If individuals were free to do whatever they wanted to do. It could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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Introduction
The issue of whether
rules
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and
laws
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are essential for society or individuals have the right to do whatever they want has attracted considerable attention in recent years.
While
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perspectives on
this
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matter vary, I strongly agree that
rules
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and
laws
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are necessary for a stable and safe society.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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with, one compelling argument is that
laws
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help manage unstable citizens.
This
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is largely because individuals in powerful positions may take advantage of others, and those with mental health problems can harm innocent people.
For instance
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, an example of
this
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can be seen in selfish employers who treat their employees unfairly by acting in a racist manner based on their
color
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colour
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, religion, or nationality.
As a result
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, the law controls their attitude and stops them from crossing the line.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant reason is that
laws
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protect the community from harmful
behaviors
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behaviours
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. A growing body of evidence suggests that since poor and innocent citizens cannot defend themselves,
rules
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play a crucial role. An illustration of
this
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can be seen in students in schools who bully their weaker peers—which is illegal based on school policy—and parents who treat their children with violence and no mercy.
Rules
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will
then
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force them to stop.
Consequently
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,
this
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encourages them to speak up and defend themselves.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
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the law can be unfair sometimes, the analysis above makes it evident that it is fair most of the time. Given the substantial evidence presented, it is reasonable to anticipate the value of it and how it saves numerous lives.

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task response
State your view more directly in the first paragraph and keep the same view to the end. You agree that laws are needed, so make this the main point of every paragraph.
task response
Explain each main idea in more depth. For example, say how laws stop unfair work, bullying, and harm at home, and why this helps all people live safely.
task response
Use more exact examples. The example about unfair employers is useful, but explain what a law can do, such as fine the employer or help the worker report the problem.
task response
Be careful with broad claims. Saying that people with mental health problems may harm others can sound unfair. Focus on harmful acts, not on a group of people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending. To make the flow better, begin each body paragraph with one short, clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link your examples more closely to the main point. After each example, clearly say how it proves that rules and laws are needed.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as "laws", "rules", and "society" too often. You can also use "the law", "these rules", "such laws", and "the public".
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph simpler and stronger. Instead of saying the law is fair most of the time, restate that laws are needed because they protect people and keep order.
task response
You give a clear opinion and answer the main question throughout the essay.
task response
Your ideas are relevant: laws can stop unfair acts and protect people who may not be able to protect themselves.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words, such as "To begin with", "For instance", "As a result", and "To sum up".
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social order
  • public safety
  • legal framework
  • basic rights
  • personal freedom
  • individual responsibility
  • harm other people
  • maintain stability
  • protect vulnerable groups
  • prevent crime
  • traffic regulations
  • anti-social behaviour
  • fair and equal treatment
  • abuse of power
  • a sense of security
  • clear boundaries
  • enforce the law
  • chaos and disorder
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