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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years, advances in technology and the popularity of social medias
,
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 commercial advertising
has become
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increasingly common in society’s daily life. Some
people
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 believe that the popularity of a
product
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 is driven by how good the advertisement by the company is, not because of real necessity. I firmly believe that advertising has a big role in leading
people
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 to buy something unconsciously through repetition and
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celebrities’ influence
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the influence of celebrities
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.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason is that
people
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 tend to use social
media
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 more often than decades ago, and it automatically forces them to see advertisements more often.
People
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 do not realise that they see dozens of advertisements on social
media
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,
such
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 as on YouTube, Facebook, or Twitter.
Consequently
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, repeatedly seeing an advertisement on social
media
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 builds subconsciousness in
people
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 to buy a
product
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that is
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 not necessary for them.
Body paragraph 2
Another compelling argument is that advertisements promoted by
celebrities
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 have a big role in influencing their fans to buy almost anything. Nowadays, many companies hire
celebrities
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 to promote their products to make more profits, aiming at
particular
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a particular
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people
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group of people
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.
For instance
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, using K-pop
celebrities
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,
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 will automatically attract K-pop fans to consume a
product
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 because of
admire feelings
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admiration
not
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, not
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 because they
needs
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need
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 it.
As a result
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, many
product
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 sales rocketed because of it, not because they needed it.
Conclusion
To
summarize
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summarise
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,
even though
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there are a lot of other aspects that influence
people
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 to buy something.
However
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, I firmly believe that seeing repetitive commercial ads on social
media
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 and influences from
celebrities
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 brings about consumerism, making
people
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 buy goods they don’t need.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that ads make people buy things they do not need. To make your answer stronger, also say how far you agree. For example, note that some high sales can still come from real need, such as food, phones, or cheap useful goods.
task response
Explain each main point in more depth. In the social media point, show how seeing the same ad many times can make a product seem known, safe, or wanted. In the star point, explain why fans may trust or copy a star.
task response
Use a more real and clear example. Instead of saying many sales went up, give one case: a skin care brand used a K-pop star, and fans bought it even if they already had similar items.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the last part a full conclusion. Do not begin it with both “even though” and “however” in the same sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link from one idea to the next smoother. You can start the second body part with: “A second way ads affect sales is through famous people.” This clearly connects it to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word form is not right. Use clear forms such as “social media”, “advertisements”, “admiration”, and “they need it”. Shorter sentences will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You answer the main question and give a clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
Your two main reasons are on topic: repeated ads on social media and the effect of famous people.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, and words such as “Consequently”, “For instance”, and “As a result” help show cause and effect.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and closing parts make your position easy to find.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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