media and news show vulgar crime on news which causes fear and provoke culprits. some people think that crime news on TV should not be broadcasted.to what extend do you agree or disagree?
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Introduction
Spreading information or
news
about committed Use synonyms
crimes
, which are extremely violent, can encourage others to commit similar Use synonyms
offences
. Use synonyms
While
I believe that Linking Words
such
Linking Words
news
should be broadcast to show citizens the adverse Use synonyms
consequences
of committing Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
crimes
, some Use synonyms
people
disagree, arguing that it may be too direct to display Use synonyms
such
content on the Linking Words
news
.Use synonyms
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, it is genuinely harmful when
people
are exposed to reports of serious Use synonyms
crimes
on television, social media, or websites. Use synonyms
This
is largely because it can encourage Linking Words
people
to repeat Use synonyms
crimes
committed by others and expose them to different ways of committing Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
offences
. Use synonyms
People
may start believing that Use synonyms
crime
is an easy or successful way to achieve something because they see criminals succeeding. Use synonyms
For instance
, when Linking Words
people
see someone committing a Use synonyms
crime
by Use synonyms
decieving
others and gaining wealth without putting in much effort, they may start to believe that they can do the same and become rich easily. Correct your spelling
deceiving
This
can illustrate how these kinds of reports in the Linking Words
news
can have a significant impact on individuals' perceptions, making Use synonyms
crime
seem easier to commit.Use synonyms
Body paragraph 2
From my perspective, violent
crimes
, Use synonyms
offences
, and other violations of the law should be reported, as these Use synonyms
crimes
can be presented alongside their Use synonyms
consequences
; Use synonyms
that is
to say, viewers can see what kinds of punishments offenders would face. By showing Linking Words
people
the adverse Use synonyms
consequences
of Use synonyms
such
violations, we would be able to reduce the number of Linking Words
crimes
in a country, making citizens consider the Use synonyms
consequences
they would face before committing a Use synonyms
crime
. Use synonyms
For example
, committing murder is punished very harshly in many countries, and in some cases, it can even result in the death penalty, thereby making Linking Words
people
aware of the serious Use synonyms
consequences
of murder and other types of Use synonyms
crime
.Use synonyms
Conclusion
In conclusion, as potentially harmful as broadcasting serious
crimes
openly may be, I believe that reporting Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
crimes
can help prevent Use synonyms
people
from committing similar Use synonyms
offences
by showing them the detrimental Use synonyms
consequences
of doing so and raising public awareness.Use synonyms
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task response
Make your view even clearer in the first paragraph. Say that you mostly agree or mostly disagree, and give a short reason.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but the first body paragraph needs a fuller link to the question. Explain more clearly how crime news may cause fear as well as copycat crime.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about cheating for money works, but it is quite general. Add details about how news reports can show the arrest and the punishment.
task response
Be careful not to make a very strong claim without support. Saying that showing punishment will reduce crime is possible, but explain that it may help some people think again before they act.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, your view, and conclusion. Keep this strong shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some links are repeated, such as “For example” and “This is because”. Try other simple links, such as “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In this way”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and contain many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
In the first body paragraph, the last sentence repeats the idea that crime looks easy. Instead, use that sentence to connect back to fear or to the next paragraph.
task response
You answer both sides of the issue and give a clear personal view: crime news should be shown with its bad results.
task response
Your ideas stay close to the question, especially the points about people copying crimes and learning about punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main point, and the conclusion clearly restates your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraphing and simple links that help the reader follow the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite