media and news show vulgar crime on news which causes fear and provoke culprits. some people think that crime news on TV should not be broadcasted.to what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Spreading information or
news
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about committed
crimes
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, which are extremely violent, can encourage others to commit similar
offences
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.
While
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I believe that
such
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news
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should be broadcast to show citizens the adverse
consequences
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of committing
such
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crimes
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, some
people
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disagree, arguing that it may be too direct to display
such
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content on the
news
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.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, it is genuinely harmful when
people
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are exposed to reports of serious
crimes
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on television, social media, or websites.
This
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is largely because it can encourage
people
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to repeat
crimes
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committed by others and expose them to different ways of committing
such
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offences
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.
People
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may start believing that
crime
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is an easy or successful way to achieve something because they see criminals succeeding.
For instance
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, when
people
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see someone committing a
crime
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by
decieving
Correct your spelling
deceiving
others and gaining wealth without putting in much effort, they may start to believe that they can do the same and become rich easily.
This
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can illustrate how these kinds of reports in the
news
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can have a significant impact on individuals' perceptions, making
crime
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seem easier to commit.
Body paragraph 2
From my perspective, violent
crimes
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,
offences
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, and other violations of the law should be reported, as these
crimes
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can be presented alongside their
consequences
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;
that is
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to say, viewers can see what kinds of punishments offenders would face. By showing
people
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the adverse
consequences
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of
such
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violations, we would be able to reduce the number of
crimes
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in a country, making citizens consider the
consequences
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they would face before committing a
crime
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.
For example
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, committing murder is punished very harshly in many countries, and in some cases, it can even result in the death penalty, thereby making
people
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aware of the serious
consequences
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of murder and other types of
crime
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, as potentially harmful as broadcasting serious
crimes
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openly may be, I believe that reporting
such
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crimes
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can help prevent
people
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from committing similar
offences
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by showing them the detrimental
consequences
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of doing so and raising public awareness.

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task response
Make your view even clearer in the first paragraph. Say that you mostly agree or mostly disagree, and give a short reason.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but the first body paragraph needs a fuller link to the question. Explain more clearly how crime news may cause fear as well as copycat crime.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about cheating for money works, but it is quite general. Add details about how news reports can show the arrest and the punishment.
task response
Be careful not to make a very strong claim without support. Saying that showing punishment will reduce crime is possible, but explain that it may help some people think again before they act.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, your view, and conclusion. Keep this strong shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some links are repeated, such as “For example” and “This is because”. Try other simple links, such as “Also”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In this way”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and contain many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
In the first body paragraph, the last sentence repeats the idea that crime looks easy. Instead, use that sentence to connect back to fear or to the next paragraph.
task response
You answer both sides of the issue and give a clear personal view: crime news should be shown with its bad results.
task response
Your ideas stay close to the question, especially the points about people copying crimes and learning about punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main point, and the conclusion clearly restates your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraphing and simple links that help the reader follow the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Controversy
  • Broadcasting
  • Public perception
  • Maintaining public awareness
  • Right to information
  • Crime prevention
  • Inducing fear
  • Sensationalism
  • Copycat crimes
  • Toxicity in public discourse
  • Time-slot restrictions
  • Content warnings
  • Responsible journalism
  • Informed society
  • Public well-being
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