IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The issue of whether millions of dollars should be spent on
space
Use synonyms
 research or on improving living standards on Earth has attracted considerable attention in recent years.
While
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 perspectives on
this
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 matter vary, I strongly agree that it would be more beneficial if we spent it to ensure
citizens' future
Correct word order
the future of citizens
show examples
 on Earth.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, one compelling argument is that the government should first focus on society's basic needs.
This
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 is largely because they should provide assistance for the community.
This
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 can help to develop the community and raise the percentage of their loyalty to their country.
For instance
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, an example of
this
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 can be seen in poor families who struggle to provide for their children basic living standards
such
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 as education, healthcare, housing, and clothes to wear. If the government helps them by cutting their taxes and giving them special care, their children will grow with a determination to achieve their goals and have a great impact on the world.
Consequently
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,
this
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 will create a healthier, more educated workforce and support long-term economic growth.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others believe that
space
Use synonyms
 research often produces useful technology for everyday life. A growing body of evidence suggests that the galaxy has considerable
space
Use synonyms
 worth diving into.
Also
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, astronauts spend a lot of time searching for things that could make our lives easier. An illustration of
this
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 can be seen in satellite data discovery, which can help predict natural disasters, monitor climate change, and protect crops.
As a result
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,
this
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 will help future generations to achieve progress in science.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
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 spending money on
studying
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
can
Check wording
exploration can
show examples
 help us discover new technology, the analysis above makes it evident that it would be more beneficial if we use it to develop our living standards. Given the substantial evidence presented, it is reasonable to anticipate the essential nature of discovering
space
Use synonyms
, but
first,
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we need to be financially stable.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way. Say that money should mainly go to life on Earth, while some space work can still be useful.
task response
Develop the first main point with a clearer link: money for schools, health care, homes, and food can help people now.
task response
Your example of poor families is useful. Add one clear result, such as more children can stay in school or see a doctor.
task response
The space paragraph gives a fair other view, but explain more clearly why this benefit is less important than urgent needs on Earth.
task response
Avoid unclear ideas such as 'the galaxy has considerable space worth diving into.' Explain exactly what space study can do for people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make each first sentence show the main idea of the paragraph. For example: 'Governments should first meet basic needs on Earth.'
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the order of ideas: 'First,' 'For example,' 'However,' and 'Therefore.' Do not use too many long link phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect well. For example, 'raise the percentage of their loyalty' is not clear. Say 'help people trust their country more.'
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph shorter and clearer. Restate your view and give the two main reasons, without adding a new idea about being financially stable.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear view that improving life on Earth should come first.
task response
You use relevant examples about poor families and satellite data, which help make your ideas easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, body paragraphs for each side, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words such as 'To begin with,' 'For instance,' 'On the other hand,' and 'As a result.'
Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • scientific discoveries
  • cutting-edge technology
  • pioneering research
  • socio-economic development
  • improved healthcare
  • education
  • poverty alleviation
  • infrastructure
  • balanced approach
  • cost-effective
  • prioritize
  • allocate
  • resources
  • budget
  • investment
  • sustainable development
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