IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people think children should not be punished at early ages. To what extend do you agree or disagree? What sort of punishment may be applied for children?

#people #children #ages #sort #punishment
The majority of individuals indicate that kids do not ought to get a penalty at infancy ages because it will give them a thought that has the wrong mind if they make a mistake. I totally agree with the given statement
due to
 several specific reasons which all will be explained in
this
 essay. First of all, why children should not be punished at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age is
due to
 the fact that they will become a limited-minded person who tries to do everything flawlessly and
this
 negative behaviour will eliminate their productivity, efficiency, and confidence.
For instance
,
according to
 the research conducted by the Department of Social Study at Oxford University, a psychologist named Tom Jones has scientifically proven that punishing at an early age influences children's independence skills which is essential for behaving well in public places. Second of all, another research has approved that those who had constantly got punishments are 16 per cent more likely to become a criminal, and 25 per cent less likely to get a job compared to those who had not got it. it is crucial that if children do wrong actions, parents must punish their child suitably. A lot of cases have proven that a suitable punishment is not only important to their lives but
also
 to their human development. In conclusion, in my humble opinion, punishment is an old-style technique for all people,
therefore
, we should utilize other skills that are a chance to start our life differently and realize the value of life.
Submitted by Zolboo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and coherent structure throughout your essay, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, and concluding with a summary of your views. This structure needs to consistently support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay clearly, stating your thesis or main argument at the beginning and summarizing your key points at the end.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with specific examples or evidence. While you mention studies, providing more detailed examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to address the task directly, stating clear opinions with comprehensive reasoning. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea related to the question.
task achievement
Include a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency. Avoid repetition by using synonyms.
task achievement
To score higher in task achievement, ensure that your essay fully answers all parts of the question, providing specific examples and explaining how they support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: