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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experi

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
science
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 is important in our
lives
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the goal of
science
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 is to improve
people
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's
lives
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I totally agree that
science
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 is a main way to improve
people
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's
lives
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. Through it,
people
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wil
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will
 be educated and have much knowledge about
the
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apply
show examples
life and their personalities. Some
people
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 think that
science
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 is only for a specific
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people
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group of people
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, but the truth is that
this
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filed
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field
show examples
 is for everyone. When you become knowledgable you will have
a
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apply
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better chances of life.
For example
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, some
people
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 who live in poor countries
, they
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apply
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 put much efforts in learning
science
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 so they can be doctors or scientists. Most of these
people
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 reached their goals
,
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apply
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 and became important figures in their fields. They used
science
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 to change their
lives
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.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, parents who teach their children
science
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 from a very early age
, they
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apply
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 become scientists and contribute highly
in
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to
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 making the world a better place to live in. I believe that not only the
individulas
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individuals
 who will improve their
lives
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, but even countries.
For instance
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, the United States
which
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apply
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invested high budgets to build scientific institutions. Now the US is one of the most developed countries
over
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in
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 the world.
Moreover
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, it is popular
by
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for
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 its innovations that changed the world.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I tend to believe that
science
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 can improve
people
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's
lives
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 in several aspects.

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Task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. You agree, so say that improving lives should be the most important aim of science, not only that science can improve lives.
Task response
Answer the key word “most important”. Add one short point about other aims of science, such as learning about the world, and explain why helping people must come first.
Task response
Develop each main idea further. Explain how science improves health, food, clean water, travel, or safety. This is closer to the question than saying people can learn science and get a better life.
Task response
Make examples more exact. For example, write about vaccines saving lives, or about clean-water systems helping poor areas. The US example needs a clearer link between science work and better daily life.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but give each body part one clear main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that match the question. For example: “First, science should improve health and safety.” Then explain and give an example.
Coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat or move away from the main point. The parts about children becoming scientists and poor people becoming doctors should be linked more clearly to how science improves life for many people.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple links with care: “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not begin too many sentences with “Some people” or “For instance”.
Task response
You give a clear opinion and stay on the general topic of science and better lives.
Task response
You include examples from poor countries and the United States, which shows an effort to support your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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