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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Introduction
Body paragraph 1
Some people think that the only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter
punishments
Use synonyms
 for driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Body paragraph 2
I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because I believe that stricter
punishments
Use synonyms
 are an effective way to improve
road
Use synonyms
 safety and prevent accidents.
Body paragraph 3
Body Paragraph 1
Body paragraph 4
On the one hand, stricter
punishments
Use synonyms
 can make drivers more responsible for their actions. If motorists know that dangerous behaviour,
such
Linking Words
 as racing between cars or driving at excessive speeds, will result in serious consequences, they may be less likely to break traffic laws.
For example
Linking Words
, imposing heavy fines or suspending the licences of reckless drivers could discourage them from putting other
road
Use synonyms
 users at risk.
As a result
Linking Words
, the number of preventable accidents may decrease.
Body paragraph 5
Body Paragraph 2
Body paragraph 6
On the other hand
Linking Words
, punishment alone cannot eliminate every
road
Use synonyms
 accident. Some collisions occur because of unexpected medical emergencies or a driver’s momentary loss of concentration rather than deliberate recklessness.
For instance
Linking Words
, a driver who suddenly experiences a medical emergency may cause an accident without intending to endanger anyone. In
such
Linking Words
 cases, the circumstances should be assessed individually.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, improving
road
Use synonyms
 design and providing effective driving education could prevent accidents before they happen.
Body paragraph 7
Conclusion
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that stricter
punishments
Use synonyms
 are an important way to improve
road
Use synonyms
 safety, particularly when dealing with reckless drivers.
However
Linking Words
, they should be combined with better education, safer roads and a fair assessment of genuine emergencies.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that stronger punishment can help, but it is not the only answer. To make this even stronger, explain why punishment is the main answer, not just one useful part of a wider plan.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and well explained. Add one more clear reason why strong punishment works, such as fear of losing a licence, money, or the right to drive.
task response
Your examples fit the ideas, but they are quite general. Use a more real and clear example, such as a driver who loses a licence after speeding many times and then stops doing it.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Each paragraph has one main point, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph starts with “On the other hand”, which can sound like you are giving an equal opposite view. Use “However” instead, because you still agree overall.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more linking words inside paragraphs to show cause and result clearly, for example “therefore”, “because of this”, and “for this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches your main view well. It could be a little stronger by restating that punishment is necessary, while education and safer roads support it.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the introduction to the conclusion.
task response
You include both punishment and other causes of crashes, which shows a fair and thoughtful answer.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph plan is clear, and the reader can follow your ideas without trouble.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Furthermore” help connect your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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