IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people work for the same oraganisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both views and give yout own opinion.

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Introduction
IN CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY, INDIVIDUALS HOLD MUTLIPLE VIEW REGARDING COMPANIES, AS SOME TOLD WORKING IN THE SAME ORGANISATION THROUGHOUT THE LIFE PERIOD WILL HELP IN PROMOTION, WHERAS OTHER SAID IT IS NOT GOOD FOR THEIR EXPERIENCE AND KNOWLEDGE.
THIS
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 TOPIC GATHERED SIGNIFICANT ATTENTION AND SPARKED WIDESPREAD DISCUSSIONS. I WILL BE DISCUSSING BOTH PERSPECTIVES IN UPCOMING PARAGRAPHS.
Body paragraph 1
TO EMBRACE
,
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PEOPLE
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 WHO THINK THAT WORKING WITH THE SAME INDUSTRY WILL FOSTER THEIR PROMOTION AND GROWTH RATE , WHICH AFFECTS THEIR INCOME AND POSITION.
ALSO
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,
THIS
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 LEADS TO MORE FLEXIBILITY AND RELIABILITY ABOUT THEIR
WORK
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 , AND
THIS
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 WILL
ALSO
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 ENCOURAGE THEM
FOR
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TO DO
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 EXTRA
WORK
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.
FOR INSTANCE
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 ,
PEOPLE
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 GOT THE IDEA REGARDING THE
OVERALL
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 VIEWPOINT OF THE COMPANY AND AS PER THEIR LIMITS PERSON CAN MODEL HIMSELF TO ACHIEVE A DESIGNATED POSITION IN THE COMPANY.
Body paragraph 2
ON THE OTHER HAND
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, OTHER
PEOPLE
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 OPPOSE
THIS
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 VIEW AND THINK THAT IT IS BETTER TO
WORK
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 FOR DIFFERENT ORGANISATION, SO THAT THEIR KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCE CAPACITY WILL IMPROVE.
MOREOVER
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, IT WILL GIVES THEM MORE JOB OPPORTUNITIES WITH THE HIGHEST INCOME AVENUE. TO EPITOMISE, SOME COMPANIES ATTRACT
PEOPLE
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 BEACUSE OF HIGHER SALARY AND TRAVELLING BONOUS.
ALTHOUGH
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,
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 SOME
PEOPLE
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 HAVE A DREAM TO
WORK
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 OUTSIDE OF THE COUNTRY
AND
Punctuation problem
,
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 THESE COMPANIES GIVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITIES TO DO SO.
Conclusion
TO RECAPITULATE, WORKING WITH THE SAME ORGANISATION THROUGHOUT THEIR LIFE WILL SOMEHOW HAVE A SENSE OF SECURITY
AND
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, AND
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 A PERSON GETS TO WELL KNOW ABOUT THE POLICIES AND PROTOCOLS , WHICH HELP IN GETTING PROMOTIONS.
WHEREAS
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, DIFFERENT ORGANISATIONS GIVE OPPORTUNITY FOR MULTITASKING , WHICH
ALSO
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 ATTRACT
PEOPLE
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 NOWADAYS.

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task response
You discuss both sides, but your own view is not clear. In the end, say which choice you think is better and give one clear reason.
task response
Make each main idea fuller. For the first side, explain how long work in one place can lead to trust, skill, and a higher job. For the second side, explain how new jobs can give new skills and better pay.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Instead of saying “people got the idea”, give one short case: a worker stays for ten years, learns the firm well, and becomes a team head.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, first view, second view, and end. This helps the reader follow your work.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Some lines move too fast from promotion to flexibility to extra work. Add a short link that shows how the ideas are tied.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a more natural way: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, and “In my view”. Do not use very formal words such as “To embrace”, “To epitomise”, or “To recapitulate” when a simple word is clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph state your final view, not only repeat both sides. This will give the essay a stronger end.
task response
You address both views in the question and give reasons for each one, such as job safety, growth, new skills, pay, and travel.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to see: you present one view first, then the other view, and then finish the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful links, such as “On the other hand”, “Moreover”, and “Whereas”, to show a change between the two views.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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