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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

it is common these days to see celebrities advertising different products. do the advantages of this development outweight the disadvantages. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, it is increasingly common for famous people to promote a wide range of
products
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. In my view, the drawbacks of
this
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 outweigh the benefits because
celebrities
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 may take advantage of the trust their
fans
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 have in them.
Body paragraph 1
The main drawback is that some
celebrities
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 may take advantage of their
fans
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 by promoting overpriced
products
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. These
products
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 often do not work properly, because they are made with cheap materials to maximise profit.
For example
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, a teenager who admires a famous celebrity may ask their parents to buy the
products
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 they promote. Even if the parents have a limited income, the teenager may pressure them into buying a poorly made product.
Therefore
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, the drawbacks outweigh the benefits, as some
celebrities
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 care only about profit, even at the expense of their integrity and their
fans
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’ money.
Body paragraph 2
Admittedly, some
celebrities
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 manage to balance profit and quality by promoting well-made
products
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 that their
fans
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 genuinely enjoy.
This
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 can even turn critics into
fans
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, and
as a result
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, their profits increase.
For example
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, a famous footballer who advertises a reliable pair of running shoes may encourage young people to exercise more. In
this
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 case, both the company and the consumers benefit.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 celebrity advertising can benefit both companies and consumers when the
products
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 are good, I believe its disadvantages are greater. Too often,
fans
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 trust a famous face rather than the product itself, which leads them to waste money on poor-quality goods.

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task response
You answer the main question clearly and give your view from the start. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why the bad side is more important than the good side. For example, say how often poor ads happen, or why young fans are more at risk.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: people may waste money, while good ads can help both the firm and the buyer. Add one more clear point on each side, such as the effect on health, trust, or the way people choose what to buy.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are not very real or detailed. Give a more exact example from life, news, or your own experience. This will make your ideas feel more true and well shown.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. It has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. Keep this good shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of simple linking words so the ideas move more smoothly. For example, use “also”, “because of this”, “on the other hand”, and “as a result” where they fit.
coherence and cohesion
In the first main part, the word “products” is used many times. Use other simple words, such as “goods”, “items”, or “these things”, to make the writing less repeated.
coherence and cohesion
The sentence “Therefore, the drawbacks outweigh the benefits” comes before you have fully discussed the good side. Move this full judgement to the last paragraph, or change it to a short link to the next idea.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep it the same from the first paragraph to the end.
task response
You discuss both sides of the issue, and your reasons stay close to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear focus, so the reader can understand your ideas with ease.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph sums up your view well and does not add a new main idea.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • celebrities
  • advertising
  • products
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • development
  • increased visibility
  • brand awareness
  • credibility
  • trust
  • higher sales
  • wider target audience
  • endorsement
  • costs
  • overexposure
  • authenticity
  • backlash
  • negative impact
  • brand image
  • ineffectiveness
  • match
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